I am positive that no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to understand the concept of time. Here we are at the end of March 2012. I feel that many of my entries begin this way--with the acknowledgement of blurring days full of hours, minutes, and seconds that seem to last merely a breath. Yet, I suppose if that's what I think of most, than awareness of the infinitely moving essence of time is a good thing. Probably even a great thing. Hopefully I never lose this sense of urgency, this need to fill my days with all of the beauty and wonder that this life has to offer.
My life in the last month has been something of that wonder, a small snippet I'll say. I've come to the conclusion that major changes or growths in character, in oneself, happen in 6 month intervals. With my last semester of graduate school in full swing, and only the writing of my thesis to occupy my days academically, I find myself thinking back to the first days of my arrival here in Lugano. And....I am so changed. I see these changes too, that have occurred to me over the last year and half, and I can clearly see the shifts, the movements, the moments, when something changed, something turned and finally clicked into place. Each one of these moments follows this convenient little pattern of being around 6 months from the next. I still haven't worked out the significance of these shifts, of the timeframe in which they occur, but I think it may be important. For what....that is yet to be discovered.
So for now, I'll talk about the latest shift. I have a gym. Yes. A gym. Why is that a shift? It sounds silly when I write it out in words (or well, maybe only to you), but I began a gym membership. Nothing out of the ordinary really. Many people have those. It's common. And at first, I didn't really think anything of it, but it hit me one day that I thought, "Holy crap! I'm putting down roots in this town!! I have a gym!!!!" Why the gym? Why such significance? I'm not really sure, but it made things seem a little more permanent. A little more solid. Even if it's only for a little while-- I joined a gym in a foreign country. I did a completely normal mundane thing, that occurs monthly over and over, where they learn your face and you see the same people and make friends....in a foreign country. Perhaps it seems silly to others, and maybe it is. But, it made me look back at the things that I've gone through, the challenges, the victories, and it made me feel like I was finally starting to get the hang of this thing. Finally close to achieving the many things I've worked for.
You ask (I'm sure of it) "how can a gym membership do that?" My answer is that I don't really know. All I know is how I felt when I had the realization, that I had built a life here, one more in-depth than I ever thought would be possible. And I'm happy. Really and truly. These previous 6 months have taken me into some of the darkest places I've ever been, but at the end of it, I've never seen so much light. How invigorating! Empowering even! (I don't even care if that sounds like a Beyonce song!)
Life is good. I'm writing my thesis, watching the most adorable little boy and his baby sister, close to having an opportunity of a lifetime, and so so so excited for what the next 6 months will bring. How will I change? What will happen? Where will life take me?? It's all a mystery, and perhaps maybe I can credit this appreciation, this realization with the fact that: I have a gym. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment