Sometimes you have to trust you...

I'm in on a Saturday night (yes, yes...how lame, but I'm okay with that). I'm okay that I don't mind staying in by myself with a glass of wine and a movie on a Saturday night. There are times you just need  that 'me' alone time. I'm not one who generally needs a lot of it because I love being around people. But, when I have it, I usually end up doing a lot of self-review and reflection. Yes-this can be good, this can be bad. Either way, I think it's a healthy thing.

For a long long time, I struggled with my decision to come over here. Was it the right one? Did I make people mad? What was I doing here? What would I do when I was done? Was I even good enough to be here?--All questions that ran through my head on a regular basis.  In a lot of way these questions held me back from doing as well as I could have done my first semester. They all centered around one thing---self doubt.

But I've learned in the last couple months as I've taken exams, started a new semester, grow a little bit more, that really it is worrying what other people will think that will hold you back. That wasn't a new philosophy I had learned, but it is its full effect and definition that I have just learned that has opened my eyes. Yes, the people (friends, strangers, what have you) will laugh at you or make fun and it shouldn't matter if they do. If you choose to let them, they will hold you back in things you do in life. Yet, it also applies to loved ones around you. Sometimes, they may not think you are making the best decision for your life, and they are probably doing it out of love for you. But, I've learned that guilt for deciding to do something you know is right in your heart isn't something they would want you to feel. Guilt doesn't come from those you love or any holy place. It is manifested in the dark areas of self doubt created by those who would rather you didn't succeed. It took me a loooong time to figure that out, and kept me from shining where I should have.

I've let go of that self-doubt and the guilt because I know in my heart I'm where I need to be doing what I am supposed to be doing. It isn't exactly as I saw it in the beginning, but then whatever is? All I know is that I feel so alive and ready to do everything I was put on this earth to do. Life is such a gift. So many times we forget to enjoy it.

Please don't second guess yourself. Trust you. Trust your heart. It will take you places you never even thought possible. Make a decision that belongs to you....and just you. Because at the end of it all, you're the one who has to live YOUR life.