A Year in Review...

I think it could be safe to say that 2011 has passed with more speed than any year I can remember at a pace frighteningly similar to blinking. There were parts, however, that were agonizingly slow. Some parts I'd rather not remember. But, in reality, I see all were necessary, and as I sit here and think of the crazy ride that 2011 has been, perhaps the most valuable were the parts that I'd rather not recall.

It's a little funny actually. There are many things to recount from this year all fantastic, many big accomplishments for me-- finishing a year and half of grad school in a foreign language (which I am now quasi-fluent), traveling to a new continent, having an Italian Thanksgiving and an Irish Christmas even! But the things that stick out the most in my mind, are the crap parts, the parts that in many ways, I wish I hadn't had to deal with. These were the times that I learned the most, discovered the most about myself (good bits and bad bits), and also found that I have some of the very best and without a doubt amazing people in my life both home in America and my home away from home here in Europe. I am beyond blessed and lucky, and will continue to remind myself of that and be thankful for it everyday, especially on the days that aren't so great.

I suppose I don't have much more to say about you 2011. You were good to me and you were bad to me. But all in all it was for my own benefit. I was challenged more than I've ever been challenged, which is always a good thing. How can you ever get better if there is nothing to push you to be? I had new adventures alone and with friends, both old and new. I watched one of my dearest and oldest friends get married to her best friend. That is a memory that I will carry with me forever. I was able to show my roommate where I come from and introduce her to the people that mean the most to me in my life first-hand. I found another family in the girls that I study with, and I have no doubt we will stay that way always. I was welcomed into homes with open arms without question, even in times that many would find an intrusion. There is much to be said for Moroccan, Italian, Portuguese, Irish....well let's just say 'global' hospitality, and for that I am eternally grateful.

At the end of it, I really can't say enough about the people that 2011 has brought into my life. Perhaps this has been the greatest gift of this year or any year for that matter. In my experiences, I've found that people are just good no matter where you go, and that is a refreshing thing in a world where all you hear about is doom and gloom. These people have all left imprints on my heart in their own individual way, and I hope that we make many more memories together in years to come. Maybe it would even be fitting (and yes albeit cheesy) to credit 2011 with a real-time illustration of a quote from a favorite movie of mine-- "Love actually is all around."

So 2011, I salute you, I thank you, and I also say good riddance. I am looking forward to 2012. It's shaping up to be absolutely fantastic: Spain with the ladies, my little brother's wedding, and this little old thing called a Master's Degree! :) Who knows what other things it has in store for me, but I think I'm ready to take it all on. You've given me plenty for my arsenal 2011 and now I say one more time: Grazie mille e ciaoooooooooooo!!

Thankful is...

November over the past years has increasingly become my least favorite month of the year. The leaves are suddenly gone, the world seems to die, and winter begins to bear its ugly face. Not only that, but I can oh-so-conveniently clump all of the worst things that have happened to me in the past five years into the month of November.  We're not really creating a great history here, November and I, and this year is finding itself in a close second to the worst November I've ever had in my life. It's been AMAZING....not.  Now you're probably wondering..."um....I thought this was supposed to be a message about being thankful???" And you're right it is despite what I've just written.

I am truly, utterly, and completely thankful.  On the one hand because through all of these seemingly rainy days and cold nights, I am still able to catch a glimpse of the sun. That even though school is the hardest it's ever been, and I've never felt more insufficient...I've learned more, become better because of it, and now have no doubts at my abilities to do the work I love so much. That even in a foreign country thousands of miles away from my family and my friends who have known me most of my life....I find myself surrounded by another family willing to be there for me through everything--no matter what, without even speaking the same language.

I am not, in fact an unlucky person in this seemingly November curse. I've actually come to think the opposite. That perhaps its better November is so crappy. That I am incredibly lucky for the misfortune. Because I can really truly appreciate all of the blessings in my life. My health, my work, my family here and back in the US, and this insane form of optimism that no matter how many times it's beat up, broken, or shot down...I can't get the stupid thing to die. Thank God. I mean what fun would I be if I was an empty, bitter, old cat lady??

So.... I am thankful for all of the crap that is in my life. Yes you heard it. I am THANKFUL for all of the bad. Without it, I couldn't appreciate the good or show how very much I love those dear to me the proper way. I got to celebrate Thanksgiving not once...but twice this year. The second time without any Americans. Not-a-one. But you know...the more I think about it....the more I think everyone should celebrate it. Because giving thanks for the blessings in our lives isn't something just reserved for Americans. It applies to everyone- young, old; big, small; American or European. So listen up world, I'm dubbing Thanksgiving an international holiday, and I will plan to keep it that way.

Don't blink....

I've been back for 1 month already.  Thrown back into everything without stopping, and suddenly we're almost done with October!! It's like I blinked that afternoon getting on the plane in September and wound up here close to halfway through my third semester of graduate school. Only one to go.  Then it's on to the next part whatever that may be. Now I realize that there will be a LOT of things in between (namely one certain thesis comes to mind) but my life is blowing by me so fast I can hardly hold on. I've got this sense of urgency that's come over me in the last month to not waste one second, one minute.

I know I've said it before, but why oh why can't we have a slow motion, pause, or stop button??? Sometimes I find myself blindsided by a moment, so simple, so painfully beautiful I want to keep it in front of my eyes, in my physical sight forever. I watched the sunrise for the first time in my 26 years two weeks ago. I've never seen anything like it. The lightening of a dark sky, the night finished. And then suddenly it's like the clouds catch fire, the sky is full of bright yellow light, and it's brilliant. Absolutely, unabashedly brilliant. I asked myself: "Why have I never done this before??? Witnessed such an amazing miracle of nature?" And in that moment I wanted to pause life--sitting on the dock of Lago di Varese in Italy, in beautiful company--and just soak it in for hours and hours, to the point where I could breathe it in, taste it.

But....no matter how much we want that, how much we yearn for that slow motion or pause button it will forever elude us. So 'don't blink' as Kenny Chesney sings in a song, because you may wake up one day on your last day, wondering what happened to the life you were supposed to live. Maybe that's a bit of a sad thought, but I don't think so. For me it's a reminder that even when life is in fast forward, I need to remember moments like that first sunrise and always look for the next adventure. Even if it's something like weekends doing homework with my two classmates (the 3 musketeers!) or pasta made on-site in the 15th century church where we're working. They are simple but beautiful. And I don't want to blink....because I just might miss one.

The Boxes in the Basement...

So as I was readying myself for the move from my small hometown to the big windy city last night, I decided to go through some boxes of old stuff of mine I'd packed up and stored in our basement. It's not a new exercise. It tends to be one that I do everytime I come home for an extended stay. Each time, I find more things that I can part with, more things that aren't so important as they were 1 year, 2 years, even 10 years ago, but also things that remain so very dear to me year after year. It's almost like a therapy for me, a re-evaluation of myself-who I've been, where I want to go- and a nice little walk down memory lane all at once.

This time was no different. I actually parted with more things (yes, little big brother I got rid of things! :D haha) than I ever have. I'm really trying to realize what I really need in my life and what I don't both material and immaterial. But, don't fret, I didn't throw out everything (far from it actually). There were of course old t-shirts to save from H.S. & college that I want made into a blankets, pictures, and the twig 'necklace holder' my 8-year-old brother made me so many years ago, and then there is always that long lost treasure. That something that you don't even remember keeping, even though you know you've been through those boxes 3 time before. It can be anything-a note from a grade school crush, those mardi gras beads you saved from that spring break in Daytona, or a picture of you and your best friend in beginning band uniforms you didn't know you had. These rediscovered moments of your life resonant stronger than anything, and you're suddenly more aware of the places you've been, where you are, and where you want to go.

This time around I ran across an old creative writing journal from my junior year of high school. I knew I'd kept papers and things, but I hadn't really remembered this. Naturally, I thumbed through the now decade old pages. There were silly entries about my cat, colors of the rainbow, and my name. But I also came across more serious ones:  a poem I wrote right after the September 11th attacks, an entry dealing with the grief of losing a fellow teammate and friend much too soon, and an entry about life---advice about it and where I saw myself at 30. It was quite strange reading these bits authored by my 16-year-old self. Where I saw myself at 30 (now only 4 years away) gave me crazy goosebumps for several different reasons, and my advice to others is something I've been striving to live by...only I don't remember knowing it so soon! I wrote on Dec. 5th, 2001 "Life is what you make it. Reach high, dream big, and you will go far in life. Your family and friends will always be there for you, so don't be afraid of making a mistake." Great advice to live by....my only question: why then did I live in fear of failure so long during my adolescent/young adult years?

Maybe it's possible I didn't quite understand the meaning of my own words yet. By this I mean the extent of the definition. Yes, I've always been up to the challenge of the classroom and participating in other activities. But there are other areas of life that I've even recently discovered my own fear of failure. I won't specify exactly what, but I realized that this fear also applies to all aspects of your personal life. I think that this fear of failure happens here largely in part to the way society pushes us to morph our own thoughts and ideas as to not step on toes or anger other parties. We shouldn't live life in fear that way. It only ends in regret of things left unsaid. I hate that...regret. I vowed years ago I would live my life without it, and I've done well since up until this point. That little journal entry from  10 years ago, no more than a child myself, spoke volumes to me last night. I pride myself on living without fear, but realize that I've been neglecting it in some areas of my life. I'm done with that now. If you don't like what I have to say. Sorry. It probably means we weren't supposed to be friends anyway, and I'm ok with that....you should be too.

Breakfast at the Uptown Cafe...

I'm home stateside now for the summer, and as always there's a transitioning process.  No matter how many times I come back there's always an 'excess overload' when I come to America. Then, like always, I pull back into the driveway of my childhood home.  The road I take is the same, the air smells again like fresh cut grass and corn, and my front porch welcome's me with open arms for the first inaugural summer session on the swing. Suddenly all that shock is gone, I don't feel like an alien in my own country, and I'm once again Sarah Braun from Morrisonville--'you know Diana Rosenthal's daughter, one of Kenny and LaDonna's grandkids.'

One of the advantages of being gone is that each time I come back, I appreciate the place I was grown that much more. I talk a lot about taking mental snapshots and vividly recording moments in your life. I've been back for 2 days, and I have been filling my memory bank non-stop-- walking in the door with my mom to find my uncle had left home grown sweet corn on the kitchen table. He knows how much I love it (and yes my community is the kind that doesn't always lock their doors. It's a beautiful thing.); Meeting my childhood best friend's new son for the first time, and feeling so much love for that sweet beautiful child the moment I laid eyes on him; and today having an early 7am breakfast with my 84-year-old grandpa at the "Uptown Cafe" while he sits with his fellow community institutions and talks about the who's who and the what's what going on, or the latest claims they've got to review on farmers' crops, or even next week's town picnic/fair.

I had a realization this morning as I'm talking with these men that saw me grow from a baby to a young woman, and it was bittersweet. I cherish this morning with my grandpa, watching him laugh or curse in the same sentence about using the computer, calling the waitress by name as she refills both our coffee mugs.  I don't know how many more I'll get, and I am so aware how blessed I am to have this moment and this morning. How lucky I am to have grown up in such a loving supportive community. Yes, maybe my town is a little like Mayberry, but they take care of their own no matter how long you've been away. It's always like you've never left.

So maybe this time around I'll say that I'm appreciating life from a different angle. It's not the new adventures I've taken or the ones I plan on having. But it's my origins that have stopped me in my tracks and overwhelmed me with the urgency and transient qualities of life. Maybe you may think 26 is too young an age to have anything wise to say, but even in these last 2 weeks I've learned some important life lessons. I've learned that being true to yourself has more facets than I ever imagined, and that it applies to every aspect of life. If we forget that, it is so easy to lose ourselves no matter how hard we've worked to find it. And then we lose sight of what we really want in this life. It's also okay to want things that most others are afraid to want, and to be vocal about it even if what that is has some small town tendencies. Who cares. Embrace all of those parts of you--where you are, where you want to go, and most importantly where you've come from. They shape our lives, and mine is one that I think I'm finally starting to understand.

I drank a liter and a half of coke last night....

Exam time has once again just about taken me under.  It's to the point where I've ingested an entire liter and half of coca-cola in matter of 2-3 hours, brewed coffee with coffee (yes that means I put coffee where the water goes), and topped it all off with the rest of a bottle of wine. These are serious times here people and the longest two weeks ever, possibly even longer than the legion of doom I faced in January. I don't know if the universities wield some kind of power that slows time during exams, but it's seriously like the never-ending story this time 'round.  And on top of that, the sun is shining, it is officially summer, and the Lido (our little beach here) is calling my naaaaaammmme (it would be rude not to answer) :)

One positive: my thesis presentation is over. And by some act of God, it went well. There was lots of nodding and intent stares. I believe some academic 'hmmms' were uttered with force. All good signs. Although as one of my dear friends told me in regards to the staring, 'you probably had a booger in your nose.' And here I thought I had something interesting to say! haha. Anyway 3 more to go. And it's July 1st. I'm two weeks from being stateside, and the summer holidays are at my feet. Non vedo l'ora per Venerdi'!!!!

I wish I had something more profound to say this time around. But my brain is seriously mush.  The only thing I can think about is how excited I am to see everyone at home and watch my best friend get married! :D But simultaneously I'm sad that I leave so soon from Lugano. Yes it's only 9 weeks in the States (which is really better considering some how I always end running around a million miles an hour there), but its strange. I can't really put my finger on it either. I suppose it's because Lugano is home now too. I'll miss my bed here, my kitchen, my son (yes my roommate I call 'figlio' and he calls me 'mamma') the beautiful view of the lake (that I haven't gotten to enjoy since these stupid exams!), and people. How I'll miss summer holidays with my friends here!

But I know the summer will fly just like this last year has. Sometimes I feel like the harder I try to hold onto moments and the beauty I see in things and people every day the faster more fleeting those moments become. I want so badly sometimes to push pause on my life and just sit bathe in the beauty of it all: Federica's yellow pants like sunshine on our exam day, hydrangeas in absolute full bloom, the post-it on the fridge from Lorena thanking me for dinner, or song lyrics from a friend just because she knew I'd appreciate their absolute truth. It's like trying to hold onto water, these moments, impossible. And yet it's what makes life so wonderful, living life in full force in every direction.....even in the middle of an all-nighter hyped-up on caffeine and simultaneously induced by the downing effects of wine close to a nervous breakdown. It's still beautiful.  After all they say there's beauty in the breaking too no? :)

So I refuse to sit on my couch tomorrow and read chemical compounds when there's so much beauty to see in this life! I'm going to 'take some sun' as they say here and be irresponsible (sort of) by taking my notes to the beach.  I'm going to spend the last few days at home taking it all in, this summer in Lugano, and then head back to my other home for cook outs, baseball, town fairs, mud volleyball, and dear dear dear friends.

Home is....

I don't have any idea how it got to be the last day of May already! It really seems impossible. Tomorrow is my last day of class for my first year of graduate school. There's exams still to come of course, but this year in Switzerland has been incredibly too fast. In many ways, it's like I blinked in January when I returned from Christmas, and opened my eyes to the 31st of May. 

Of course there is much that has happened along the way, no matter how quickly the time seems to have flown. I've learned more about myself in the past 10 months than I have at any other time in my life I think. I've reconciled unnecessary guilt, realized that WE are the only ones responsible for where we end up in our lives (so if you're unhappy...do something about it), met some of the most amazing people, and found that the more and more I travel, the more I realize that as people, as human beings, we are all the same at the core.

We need friends. We need family. We need a place to call home. It doesn't matter if you grew up in a big city in the US, a small town in Italy, or an old bazaar in Morocco (I have had the pleasure of meeting friends from each of these places), at the base of it all, we need people to love and a space that is ours. I have found that here in Lugano, with the city, the things I'm doing and learning, the people I'm with.

I think sometimes people take that the wrong way. That it means I've written off where I've come from. The thing is, that's the wrong way to look at it. When I go home to the US, I am home. It will always be my home. I was grown there, most of my history is there. But here....here is where I found myself. Something that I think speaks for itself.

So I look at it like this:  How blessed am I to have found two homes?! Two places with people I love, places I love, and most of all two places that have a piece of my heart? It's a beautiful thing to get off an airplane both directions knowing that on each side are people to embrace you, a sight for sore eyes, and a bed the causes you to sigh in ecstasy when you curl up in it for the night. What does that all mean? I'm not exactly sure yet. Does that mean I've found somewhere I want to stay for awhile? Yes. Does that mean I want to replace a home? Not in the least.

What I do know for sure...is that I feel alive, and I want to stay that way. So if this where my heart feels that way--like anything is possible, fully aware of dreams within my grasp-- then I think for now its found home. For now anyway....

Calm before the storm...

I love spring. It is my favorite season of the whole entire year. Everything comes to life again. The days get longer. The air is warmer. It's like the earth is giving birth to a new start for everyone and everything. I love it. This spring is no exception with all that has been going on in my life. Not being well the last week has kind of put a damper on things. (must be something in the Swiss air) However, I refuse to let that get me down.

I'm pretty familiar with the fact that normally when things seem to be falling into place and finally life is taking shape just like we want it to, we get challenges. The challenges could be health, money, friends, family, etc. Whatever it is, it stresses out, makes us sick, ruins our sleep, give us heartburn (you laugh at me, but wait until you have it and can't eat anything but plain yogurt while that delicious quiche you just made sits on the counter. It's downright cruel!)

But I think, what happens sometimes is that we start to focus on these challenges. We lose sight of the big picture, the one that only days ago was painted so vividly in our minds like fresh oil on canvas. We could even almost touch the reality of it. How does that happen so fast??? I wonder myself sometimes. I'm not exceptionally great at not panicking. I'm getting better, and I learned that these challenges come from those entities that don't want us to succeed. Don't want us to fulfill our dreams. They come in many forms, but (and maybe this is a self pep talk as well) we can't lose sight of what we see through those rose colored glasses we just found.

We've got to make a conscious effort to polish them up, keep them from getting too scratched. I'm going to win and I'm going to win big at this game we call life. I've just got to remember that I'm fighting for it all the time. I think right now I'm just at the end of the calm before the storm. But I refuse to panic. I'm never alone in this. I've always got Him walking right beside me regardless anyway, and I'm a stubborn woman who gets what she wants.  :)

So remember to power through the storm, wearing those rose colored glasses. Who cares if they get a little spotty from the water. They clean. The important thing to hold on to is to never lose sight of the world and the life that you see through them.

Writing my own story....

I have to say these last two weeks have been some of the best I've had so far here in Switzerland. I wondered for a long time when I was going to feel like I was living my life. I'd think "When is my life life ever going to start?" "When will I feel like I'm at the beginning of it all...of everything I've worked for?" I kept waiting for it to happen. Like it would be some kind of magical entity that painted everything a different color, everything a little more shiny, sparkly. And of course, surely, what I was doing couldn't have that special shine....you know, really living that 'life' whatever that actually was.  Could it? But....

Somehow over the course of this last month,  I realized that I was in it!! I was in the thick of everything! What was I doing waiting for life to start when I was living it?! I think sometimes we lose sight of what's already in front of us always looking to the 'more' or 'someday' and we forget that sometimes....there isn't anymore. We keep waiting around for some big signpost that says 'GO! This is it!' But...we started the race already the day we took our first breath. Quit waiting to do the things you've always wanted to do! Realize you're alive now! Living now!

And you know...the funny thing is....once I realized I was right in the thick of my own story, everything did become painted a different color. It may sound cliche' to say, but seeing the world through rose colored glasses does make everything more sparkly and a little more bright and shiny, like a new penny.

A lot of people ask me 'when are you coming back?' 'what will you do when your done?' 'where do you want to be?' 'when are you going to settle down and have a normal life?' And the truth is. I don't have the answer to any of these questions. Not one.

I am loving where I am right now. Living every minute that I have. Taking in all the knowledge my poor tired brain can wrap itself around when it's translating 24 hours a day. I am seeing life through rose colored glasses that tarnish nothing. And whoever said there is some social timeline on when we have to do big things in life is an idiot. You don't get to write my story. I do. And I decide what chapter I'm on.

Right now, I'm writing chapters of self-discovery, new adventures, friends, and work that I love. I spent the weekend in an Italian village, ecstatic about the purchase of restoration books, the taste of pumpkin tortelloni in a black truffle sauce on my lips, the Veronese sunset etched in my brain, and a sunday afternoon spent basking in the sunshine, colored pink by the blossoms of peach tree groves, and made only sweeter by the sound of a guitar and the laughter of good friends.

I'm in no hurry to finish these chapters. Not yet. And I'm the author. No one else. I guess the question now is: Are you writing your own story??

Sometimes you have to trust you...

I'm in on a Saturday night (yes, yes...how lame, but I'm okay with that). I'm okay that I don't mind staying in by myself with a glass of wine and a movie on a Saturday night. There are times you just need  that 'me' alone time. I'm not one who generally needs a lot of it because I love being around people. But, when I have it, I usually end up doing a lot of self-review and reflection. Yes-this can be good, this can be bad. Either way, I think it's a healthy thing.

For a long long time, I struggled with my decision to come over here. Was it the right one? Did I make people mad? What was I doing here? What would I do when I was done? Was I even good enough to be here?--All questions that ran through my head on a regular basis.  In a lot of way these questions held me back from doing as well as I could have done my first semester. They all centered around one thing---self doubt.

But I've learned in the last couple months as I've taken exams, started a new semester, grow a little bit more, that really it is worrying what other people will think that will hold you back. That wasn't a new philosophy I had learned, but it is its full effect and definition that I have just learned that has opened my eyes. Yes, the people (friends, strangers, what have you) will laugh at you or make fun and it shouldn't matter if they do. If you choose to let them, they will hold you back in things you do in life. Yet, it also applies to loved ones around you. Sometimes, they may not think you are making the best decision for your life, and they are probably doing it out of love for you. But, I've learned that guilt for deciding to do something you know is right in your heart isn't something they would want you to feel. Guilt doesn't come from those you love or any holy place. It is manifested in the dark areas of self doubt created by those who would rather you didn't succeed. It took me a loooong time to figure that out, and kept me from shining where I should have.

I've let go of that self-doubt and the guilt because I know in my heart I'm where I need to be doing what I am supposed to be doing. It isn't exactly as I saw it in the beginning, but then whatever is? All I know is that I feel so alive and ready to do everything I was put on this earth to do. Life is such a gift. So many times we forget to enjoy it.

Please don't second guess yourself. Trust you. Trust your heart. It will take you places you never even thought possible. Make a decision that belongs to you....and just you. Because at the end of it all, you're the one who has to live YOUR life.

Mental Snapshots...

Some of you who read this will already know what I'm talking about when I say take 'mental snapshots.' A few years back (well closer to a handful now) I was given some great advice from a teacher/friend on my first international excursion. He said to our group, "you will never be in this moment, with these people ever again." But it wasn't to say cherish just 'this' moment exactly. He was referring instead to EVERY moment, every second that we spend of our lives. Because that is what we do is spend time. We can't save it, slow it down, or go back. And every second is one in which we will never be in again with the exact same people. It is impossible. Once the second is spent...it is gone. So...

Take mental snapshots. Cherish the moments, the seconds. Record them vividly in your memory. The glow of lights on a Christmas Eve drive. Or, the smell of the pizza in the oven while you're discussing the latest gossip about Twilight with your sister. The face of the people you love the moment you come out of the arrival gate at the airport (this one will forever and always be a favorite every time.) Watching your best friend turn down the dial on the radio to talk, then watch her turn it up, and turn it back down again throughout the conversation, knowing this is one of the things you love about her. It's grandiose things. It's small things. But they are the things that make life worth living, and I think sometimes no matter where we are in the world, the mundaneness of routine can cause us to hurry through things and waste our mental snapshots...waste our seconds, waste our lives.

I'm guilty of it myself here in Switzerland. I get up in the morning at the same time, prepare the same things, and take the same bus. The repetition of it all....it can make things boring. I loathe boredom. As do most of us. But thankfully, I was shocked back to life this last week one morning at school. I was standing in the church where we're working with my little hammer in my hand, looking at the 15th century frescoe we're cleaning, and I was like: 'holy crap! I'm taking a hammer to something that is 600 years old! Who does that? Wait...I do!!'

It was a mental snapshot moment-standing on the scaffolding, with 5 layers of clothing on to combat the cold-hammer and scalpel in hand. I told myself that I wasn't going to get caught up in the evilness that is 'routine.' Not any more. Even if that means I get up at a different time every morning. Life is too wonderful for that. No matter where we are, it's full of beautiful moments we shouldn't let slip by unrecorded, unappreciated.

I recorded so many this last week- watching soccer on a computer with my two Italians friends, complete with cursing and hand gestures as the live stream would freeze each time the teams approached the goal, buying a second hand coat from a Swiss-Italian woman in a little antique store who exclaimed with delight how nice it was to have young people in her store instead of the normal grandmother crowd, laughing with my classmates on the train as we created our 'Vitamin Shock' (long story) music video-Swiss Alps flying past the window, the mass surge of people in costume young and old departing the train when we arrive in Bellinzona for Carnevale complete with an italian drinking chant, or even being consumed with fascination as I learned something more about the chemistry of wall paintings and the reconversion of darkened lead white (yes I know this is dorky, but being reminded of why I love this so much was such an incredible feeling!!).

I have so many more, but I think you get the picture. Life is a blessing. What we do with it, how we remember it, is up to us. So don't let the routines get you- stop for a moment and take a mental snapshot of your life in that very second because once you're there, the moment is gone.

Semester 2...

Alright, I have started my second semester of grad school rather painlessly. Actually, it's been pretty awesome because this entire first week my classes have been in English!!! AH! Brilliant! Why you ask? Well, it's because we have 3 students visiting from Georgia (not the state, the country) and they don't speak Italian. So, default international language: English! Win! hahah.

It's already been extremely interesting. We're working on a 15th century fresco in Locarno a town about an hour from Lugano. We're removing "white wash" layers that were painted over the fresco, so that involves in some cases taking a hammer to the fresco! Yes..I panicked at first too. I don't know...I've just got a good feeling about this semester. I know I'm going to do better and learn more, and I suppose that is what's important. I can't believe it's almost March though! How crazy is that?? This year is going to be over before I know it, and so is this program.

I really don't understand how time goes so fast. The weeks of vacation were done and over in a blink. My visit to Ireland in total was 8 days long. I feel like I was there for 3. It was so much fun though. Not a big sight-seeing trip this time around, but a legitimate vacation. We went to a famous pub in Dublin where they filmed P.S. I love you to see an amazing musician named Robert Delaney. And I also went to a winter ale beer festival at this really cool pub in Cork called the Franciscan Well. So I guess you could say a lot of my sightseeing involved the inside of a pub. Don't judge, it's part of the Irish culture...I mean where else can you get the atmosphere of a large group of people, watching a national rugby match?? You can't. It is solely reserved for the Irish pub, and I did that this time around too. I actually really like rugby! I plan on watching more too.

As for other things going on, not much else but school and my YouTube channel. I'm still plugging away at it with 4 videos now. I'm hoping in the very near future I can get some original stuff going too (Ah!). I really really love it, and the response has been so positive! I'm blown away really! Maybe you may think I'm crazy, but I don't care. I think this is going to go somewhere...to a place that I've dreamt of since  I was a little girl. It may be silly to think it, but then don't dreams always start as silly ideas?  I've kind of always pictured my name in lights. Who knows, maybe this time around we can make it happen. :) Either way if you read this, watch, share and subscribe! www.youtube.com/sarahbraun03

Until next time, love to you from Switzerland <3

What a crazy 2 weeks....

So, I realize that even more days have passed since my last post, but the last couple of weeks have been full of get togethers, last dinners, and goodbyes. Not to mention I was finally able to sleep after exams were finished. I was not crazy about the goodbye part. BUT, I did find out that for the most part I did well enough on my exams. So that's good news.

I'm on vacation now for the next two weeks. I found dirt cheap plane tickets to come visit Katie and my friend Louise in Ireland. I have no doubt there will be interesting stories to follow from this experience....hahahah.

As for the goodbyes, most of my friends left for their home countries over the last week. They were Erasmus students (European equivalent of study abroad), so they were only in Lugano for a semester. :( Boo. Anyway, this last week was nothing but the 'lasts' of everything. And yes...there were tears on multiple occasions. We'd become a family at Lanchetta, and it was really hard to see them go. I still like to think that we're all on vacation and when I get back they will be there....

I wish I could really convey to you all how amazing these people truly are. I love them with all of my heart, and I know that we'll be friends always. Sometimes I wonder how that can happen in such a short amount of time, but really and truly I will never be the same because of them. And it's a change for the better. So many great memories....

And one of these memories just happens to be getting me on YouTube with my own channel. It's crazy and amazing all at the same time, and after just 3 days I have over 1,000 views and 26 subscribers!!!! (apparently that #84 for the week for all musician channels) Unbelieveable. I guess I should have done this a long time ago. Thank God they were persistent over here at Lanchetta. :) Anyway here's the link to the first video if you're interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOnvm4LnNzo I plan on having a new one up tomorrow. I've got a good feeling about this... :)

Halfway There....

So it's been a little while since I've written....exams have literally turned my brain to mush. haha. But on the plus side I am halfway done! I only have 4 more to take, two of which are Monday. I would have to say that so far I think they've gone pretty well. I feel great about most of them and so-so about a couple.

It's been interesting to say the least. My first exam was written and I had to write that one in Italian. I had an oral exam right after that which I did in English. My other written exams have been in English (thank God), and the last exam I took on Friday was an oral one. This one I started in Italian...and ended in English. Geez it was interesting trying to understand exactly what they were trying to ask me. A very frustrating 20 minutes, in which I wasn't sure if he wanted me to answer what the Relative Humidity was or if he was just making a statement. Seriously....I don't think I like oral exams. I panic and can't remember the things that I've studied. It's awful.  I'm glad I don't have any more of those!

But...that's about it. Nothing interesting or exciting to report because all I've been doing is studying. I don't know that I've ever studied for anything so much....ever. I suppose that's a good thing. Cross your fingers for the rest. Then come Wednesday afternoon, I am having a drink (or two). Probably won't write again until then. I've got Biology, Chemistry, Microscope Analysis, and an oral/discussion with my teachers to get through. Molto pesante...(very heavy). :/

Alright, I'm out.

The Things They Find Funny...

Before I begin, an update for the score...it's not looking good folks:

Jet Lag: 3 Sarah: 1 and we're at half time. I've got to go for gold in the 2nd half, or we're coming home empty handed.

Annnnnddd....since that isn't going so well, I thought I'd focus on something a bit more entertaining. The other night I was going through my photo album from this last trip home with my friends. I think it was the day I got back over here, so imagine, we'll set the scene:  a sober, yet seemingly intoxicated girl (due to fatigue and the fact that she had been awake for 26 hours), trying to describe a number of things from the world that is America and justify it to a small group of Europeans (2 Portuguese, 1 Spanish, 1 Italian, and 1 German). The result: a whole lot of laughter, some very confused faces due to my inability to speak clearly and lack of readjustment to not using slang, and a lot of "Grande!!" expressions. Which just so you know does not necessarily mean "Big!' As you would think. It's more like saying "Awesome!" or "Cool!" Something along those lines anyway.

So what is it they found so entertaining about our way of life? 

1) I think what got the largest reaction (and I'm not kidding) is the compartmentalized styrofoam plates we commonly see at holiday get-togethers. hahahah. Crazy right? I would have never thought about it, but they couldn't believe those or the amount of food.

2) Next in line: The house in suburban Chicago we found that is decorated like Chevy Chase's house (hence the name for the album).  I believe I got a "Mi Dio!" on that one from Giulio and a "how do the neighbors sleep?!" from Andre.

3) The other biggest shock....our 9ft fake Christmas tree by the fire place. Lena: "It's like a movie!" And everyone else: "It's HUGE!" Then, I told them that was just one of our trees. They then proceeded to tell me that, everything is big in America, which I suppose is probably true. :)

4) However, my favorite was the little treat I brought back for Giulio: Red solo cups. It's no joke. You can't find them over here. And well, let's just say he wanted them for party planning purposes. ;)

5) I do have to mention one more thing, because the aunts and my mom will be pleased. We have been enjoying the Christmas candy immensely and I've loved trying to explain what everything is (turtles, bark cookies, icebox cookies, texas bon bons, etc.) The reactions both good and bad have been priceless.  ps...Mom...they love the turtles. I'll have to try and make them or something.

Just a few tidbits on life here and what we find interesting topics of conversation. If my friends read this, they'd probably tell you stories of things I've found interesting about here...and of course make fun of me. It's easy to do. :) 

Alright, I'm out for the evening, I need to sleep soon. Must. conquer. biology. and. pre-consolidation. tomorrow.

Studying...Studying...Studying....Lanchetta!

Day 1 of finally getting to study for these nasty exams was a quasi-success.  I say 'quasi' because I did succeed in translating around 14 pages of one of my presentations and making bi-lingual notes. Awesome?? It may appear so...however, this took me about 5 hours! This process only involved a few things:  one very large dictionary, a pocket translator (thank you sister Tiff! :) ), google translate from time to time (can't always trust what that will give you), and a 501 verb book (which still manages to leave out certain scientific verbs. sweet. :( ).  Why do I tell you all of this??

Because that presentation was 1 of about 6 for that class. And that class is one exam out of the 9 I have to take which all have that amount if not more presentations.  Needless to say, I have it all under control and I am nowhere close to PANICKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'M TOTALLY COOL. NOT WORRIED AT ALL....sorry am I yelling? I lost myself for a minute there. Phew...anyway....

I'm sure I'll get it sorted better tomorrow, and I'm really just venting about the frustration of the 4 extra exams that are AFTER my week of Master's exams (stupid stupid stupid).  I'll be fine. I'm gonna take those exams to the cleaners! (Can I use that analogy here??) Even with the positive attitude though, 5 hours of that would cause anyone to go a little crazy.

Thank God for Lanchetta. My other home. Nothing party planning, xmas candy (from the Rosenthal fam of course!), and some Portuguese port wine can't fix. :) I am once again renewed with optimism. I can take on the world! Too cheesy? Yeah I thought so too. Anyway, I'm really just glad that I was able to sleep at 1am last night and become a daywalker again. I got up at 8:30 am. BAM! Take that jet lag!

Jet Lag: 2 Sarah: 1

Crap he's still winning...You wait til tomorrow jet lag!!! I will dominate!!! (you can't see but i'm shaking my fist)

 With that all, I am off to bed. Love, love, love!

Jet Lag and I are fighting...

So I'm going to try and make this a habit of writing a little bit everyday even if it's not so exciting. Then maybe I'll actually remember to keep this thing updated.  It is now midnight my time (5pm central).  I couldn't fall asleep until 8 am this morning (1 am central). SO frustrating. These last couple trips hopping the pond jet lag and I have NOT gotten along. It's starting to wear on our relationship. I mean I may just have to stop making this transatlantic trips if he's going to continue to be uncooperative. ;)

So jet lag...yeah I'm talking to you...we're fighting in case you didn't know. I can't study science in a foreign language if you're going to be keeping me up at all hours of the night feeding my facebook addiction (which has become, I'm afraid to say, quite bad). I actually feel physical anger when the newsfeed doesn't change. Is that a sign there needs to be some intervention??? oh geez...

Anyway, nothing exciting other than my inability to sleep in Swissmode. I even went without caffeine (i.e. my daily coke zero, tea, and coffee) ALL day. It was awful. haha. Hopefully that means I'll sleep in the next couple of hours, but we'll see. This week will most likely be pretty quiet because I'm going to be studying the mounds of science I have....I'm not even sure where to start. : /

Do I re-write the notes and then translate? or translate then re-write? or type them on the computer? or simply re-read them? or wait...how much material do I even have to know? are they going to quiz me on the books they recommended in the bibliographies?? there's 15 of them...just for one day's lecture!!! PANIC!!!! My friend Federica would say 'tranquila Sarah, tranquila.' She says that to me a lot...it means calm down. I'm sure you all are surprised by that too...my panic mode and worrying. HAH...right. :)

Alright must go try and sleep...

The Definition of why I'm still here...

So I found this poem in my email as I was doing my annual cleaning and organization. I can't remember where I got it or why it was saved in my drafts. I didn't write it, but man does it really describe what I've needed to have to stick this school thing out over here. It's good advice for anyone who is tired of just 'living' or 'getting by,' but is a little afraid to take that first step and just do it. Go get your dreams...you've only got one life to live, make it something exciting! :)

I would assume it's called "Comfort Zone" but I don't even know that for sure...

"I used to have a comfort zone where I knew I couldn't fail

The same four walls and busy work were really more like jail

I longed so much to do the things I'd never done before

But I stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor

I said it didn't matter that I wasn't doing much

I said I didn't care for things like diamonds, furs and such

I claimed to be so busy with the things inside the zone

But deep inside I longed for something special on my own

I couldn't let my life go by just watching others win

I held my breath and stepped outside to let the change begin

I took a step and with new strength I'd never felt before

I kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door

If you are in a comfort zone afraid to venture out

Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt

A step or two and words of praise can make your dreams come true

Greet your future with a smile

Success is there for you.."


Absolutely beautiful... :)

Back for the Exams... :/

After an amazing, wonderful and much too short visit home, I am once again back in Lugano. I think I am recovering from the jet lag (I only slept until 2pm today haha.) Today I'm just unpacking and such. Hoping to get adjusted fully...then it is study study study. Because let's be real...all of you who saw me over the holidays know that well I really didn't study anything! haha...oops.

Anyway, I have 9 exams that I have to take, the majority of which are science (YES!...not....). I think I get to write them all in English...I think. I'm not sure how the oral exams will go. Lord help me. It will definitely be an experience. Although, I think I'll do well enough. Don't worry I'll keep you all posted.

Other that, nothing really exciting to report so far. I did get an interesting email from my roommate who is in Dubai, regarding my permit of stay. Apparently they sent it to his address in Lucerne instead of Lugano. SERIOUSLY?!  C'mon now...read the address I wrote on my form!! So, now my permit of stay is in Dubai with him and I'm going to go to the Ufficio degli Stranieri (literally Foreigner's office) to ask about it. I think I will have a whole entry to tell my visa/permesso story. It's just too good to not share...and I'm not kidding.

Maybe it's silly to say I miss everyone already, but I do. I'm already thinking about the end of July/August time frame. :) Lots to do inbetween, so time will fly I'm sure. Anyway, must go unpack and try to put my mind back in Swiss mode.  I must banish thoughts of refillable cokes, burritos and cheeseburgers from my mind...