Sometimes you have to trust you...

I'm in on a Saturday night (yes, yes...how lame, but I'm okay with that). I'm okay that I don't mind staying in by myself with a glass of wine and a movie on a Saturday night. There are times you just need  that 'me' alone time. I'm not one who generally needs a lot of it because I love being around people. But, when I have it, I usually end up doing a lot of self-review and reflection. Yes-this can be good, this can be bad. Either way, I think it's a healthy thing.

For a long long time, I struggled with my decision to come over here. Was it the right one? Did I make people mad? What was I doing here? What would I do when I was done? Was I even good enough to be here?--All questions that ran through my head on a regular basis.  In a lot of way these questions held me back from doing as well as I could have done my first semester. They all centered around one thing---self doubt.

But I've learned in the last couple months as I've taken exams, started a new semester, grow a little bit more, that really it is worrying what other people will think that will hold you back. That wasn't a new philosophy I had learned, but it is its full effect and definition that I have just learned that has opened my eyes. Yes, the people (friends, strangers, what have you) will laugh at you or make fun and it shouldn't matter if they do. If you choose to let them, they will hold you back in things you do in life. Yet, it also applies to loved ones around you. Sometimes, they may not think you are making the best decision for your life, and they are probably doing it out of love for you. But, I've learned that guilt for deciding to do something you know is right in your heart isn't something they would want you to feel. Guilt doesn't come from those you love or any holy place. It is manifested in the dark areas of self doubt created by those who would rather you didn't succeed. It took me a loooong time to figure that out, and kept me from shining where I should have.

I've let go of that self-doubt and the guilt because I know in my heart I'm where I need to be doing what I am supposed to be doing. It isn't exactly as I saw it in the beginning, but then whatever is? All I know is that I feel so alive and ready to do everything I was put on this earth to do. Life is such a gift. So many times we forget to enjoy it.

Please don't second guess yourself. Trust you. Trust your heart. It will take you places you never even thought possible. Make a decision that belongs to you....and just you. Because at the end of it all, you're the one who has to live YOUR life.

Mental Snapshots...

Some of you who read this will already know what I'm talking about when I say take 'mental snapshots.' A few years back (well closer to a handful now) I was given some great advice from a teacher/friend on my first international excursion. He said to our group, "you will never be in this moment, with these people ever again." But it wasn't to say cherish just 'this' moment exactly. He was referring instead to EVERY moment, every second that we spend of our lives. Because that is what we do is spend time. We can't save it, slow it down, or go back. And every second is one in which we will never be in again with the exact same people. It is impossible. Once the second is spent...it is gone. So...

Take mental snapshots. Cherish the moments, the seconds. Record them vividly in your memory. The glow of lights on a Christmas Eve drive. Or, the smell of the pizza in the oven while you're discussing the latest gossip about Twilight with your sister. The face of the people you love the moment you come out of the arrival gate at the airport (this one will forever and always be a favorite every time.) Watching your best friend turn down the dial on the radio to talk, then watch her turn it up, and turn it back down again throughout the conversation, knowing this is one of the things you love about her. It's grandiose things. It's small things. But they are the things that make life worth living, and I think sometimes no matter where we are in the world, the mundaneness of routine can cause us to hurry through things and waste our mental snapshots...waste our seconds, waste our lives.

I'm guilty of it myself here in Switzerland. I get up in the morning at the same time, prepare the same things, and take the same bus. The repetition of it all....it can make things boring. I loathe boredom. As do most of us. But thankfully, I was shocked back to life this last week one morning at school. I was standing in the church where we're working with my little hammer in my hand, looking at the 15th century frescoe we're cleaning, and I was like: 'holy crap! I'm taking a hammer to something that is 600 years old! Who does that? Wait...I do!!'

It was a mental snapshot moment-standing on the scaffolding, with 5 layers of clothing on to combat the cold-hammer and scalpel in hand. I told myself that I wasn't going to get caught up in the evilness that is 'routine.' Not any more. Even if that means I get up at a different time every morning. Life is too wonderful for that. No matter where we are, it's full of beautiful moments we shouldn't let slip by unrecorded, unappreciated.

I recorded so many this last week- watching soccer on a computer with my two Italians friends, complete with cursing and hand gestures as the live stream would freeze each time the teams approached the goal, buying a second hand coat from a Swiss-Italian woman in a little antique store who exclaimed with delight how nice it was to have young people in her store instead of the normal grandmother crowd, laughing with my classmates on the train as we created our 'Vitamin Shock' (long story) music video-Swiss Alps flying past the window, the mass surge of people in costume young and old departing the train when we arrive in Bellinzona for Carnevale complete with an italian drinking chant, or even being consumed with fascination as I learned something more about the chemistry of wall paintings and the reconversion of darkened lead white (yes I know this is dorky, but being reminded of why I love this so much was such an incredible feeling!!).

I have so many more, but I think you get the picture. Life is a blessing. What we do with it, how we remember it, is up to us. So don't let the routines get you- stop for a moment and take a mental snapshot of your life in that very second because once you're there, the moment is gone.

Semester 2...

Alright, I have started my second semester of grad school rather painlessly. Actually, it's been pretty awesome because this entire first week my classes have been in English!!! AH! Brilliant! Why you ask? Well, it's because we have 3 students visiting from Georgia (not the state, the country) and they don't speak Italian. So, default international language: English! Win! hahah.

It's already been extremely interesting. We're working on a 15th century fresco in Locarno a town about an hour from Lugano. We're removing "white wash" layers that were painted over the fresco, so that involves in some cases taking a hammer to the fresco! Yes..I panicked at first too. I don't know...I've just got a good feeling about this semester. I know I'm going to do better and learn more, and I suppose that is what's important. I can't believe it's almost March though! How crazy is that?? This year is going to be over before I know it, and so is this program.

I really don't understand how time goes so fast. The weeks of vacation were done and over in a blink. My visit to Ireland in total was 8 days long. I feel like I was there for 3. It was so much fun though. Not a big sight-seeing trip this time around, but a legitimate vacation. We went to a famous pub in Dublin where they filmed P.S. I love you to see an amazing musician named Robert Delaney. And I also went to a winter ale beer festival at this really cool pub in Cork called the Franciscan Well. So I guess you could say a lot of my sightseeing involved the inside of a pub. Don't judge, it's part of the Irish culture...I mean where else can you get the atmosphere of a large group of people, watching a national rugby match?? You can't. It is solely reserved for the Irish pub, and I did that this time around too. I actually really like rugby! I plan on watching more too.

As for other things going on, not much else but school and my YouTube channel. I'm still plugging away at it with 4 videos now. I'm hoping in the very near future I can get some original stuff going too (Ah!). I really really love it, and the response has been so positive! I'm blown away really! Maybe you may think I'm crazy, but I don't care. I think this is going to go somewhere...to a place that I've dreamt of since  I was a little girl. It may be silly to think it, but then don't dreams always start as silly ideas?  I've kind of always pictured my name in lights. Who knows, maybe this time around we can make it happen. :) Either way if you read this, watch, share and subscribe! www.youtube.com/sarahbraun03

Until next time, love to you from Switzerland <3

What a crazy 2 weeks....

So, I realize that even more days have passed since my last post, but the last couple of weeks have been full of get togethers, last dinners, and goodbyes. Not to mention I was finally able to sleep after exams were finished. I was not crazy about the goodbye part. BUT, I did find out that for the most part I did well enough on my exams. So that's good news.

I'm on vacation now for the next two weeks. I found dirt cheap plane tickets to come visit Katie and my friend Louise in Ireland. I have no doubt there will be interesting stories to follow from this experience....hahahah.

As for the goodbyes, most of my friends left for their home countries over the last week. They were Erasmus students (European equivalent of study abroad), so they were only in Lugano for a semester. :( Boo. Anyway, this last week was nothing but the 'lasts' of everything. And yes...there were tears on multiple occasions. We'd become a family at Lanchetta, and it was really hard to see them go. I still like to think that we're all on vacation and when I get back they will be there....

I wish I could really convey to you all how amazing these people truly are. I love them with all of my heart, and I know that we'll be friends always. Sometimes I wonder how that can happen in such a short amount of time, but really and truly I will never be the same because of them. And it's a change for the better. So many great memories....

And one of these memories just happens to be getting me on YouTube with my own channel. It's crazy and amazing all at the same time, and after just 3 days I have over 1,000 views and 26 subscribers!!!! (apparently that #84 for the week for all musician channels) Unbelieveable. I guess I should have done this a long time ago. Thank God they were persistent over here at Lanchetta. :) Anyway here's the link to the first video if you're interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOnvm4LnNzo I plan on having a new one up tomorrow. I've got a good feeling about this... :)

Halfway There....

So it's been a little while since I've written....exams have literally turned my brain to mush. haha. But on the plus side I am halfway done! I only have 4 more to take, two of which are Monday. I would have to say that so far I think they've gone pretty well. I feel great about most of them and so-so about a couple.

It's been interesting to say the least. My first exam was written and I had to write that one in Italian. I had an oral exam right after that which I did in English. My other written exams have been in English (thank God), and the last exam I took on Friday was an oral one. This one I started in Italian...and ended in English. Geez it was interesting trying to understand exactly what they were trying to ask me. A very frustrating 20 minutes, in which I wasn't sure if he wanted me to answer what the Relative Humidity was or if he was just making a statement. Seriously....I don't think I like oral exams. I panic and can't remember the things that I've studied. It's awful.  I'm glad I don't have any more of those!

But...that's about it. Nothing interesting or exciting to report because all I've been doing is studying. I don't know that I've ever studied for anything so much....ever. I suppose that's a good thing. Cross your fingers for the rest. Then come Wednesday afternoon, I am having a drink (or two). Probably won't write again until then. I've got Biology, Chemistry, Microscope Analysis, and an oral/discussion with my teachers to get through. Molto pesante...(very heavy). :/

Alright, I'm out.

The Things They Find Funny...

Before I begin, an update for the score...it's not looking good folks:

Jet Lag: 3 Sarah: 1 and we're at half time. I've got to go for gold in the 2nd half, or we're coming home empty handed.

Annnnnddd....since that isn't going so well, I thought I'd focus on something a bit more entertaining. The other night I was going through my photo album from this last trip home with my friends. I think it was the day I got back over here, so imagine, we'll set the scene:  a sober, yet seemingly intoxicated girl (due to fatigue and the fact that she had been awake for 26 hours), trying to describe a number of things from the world that is America and justify it to a small group of Europeans (2 Portuguese, 1 Spanish, 1 Italian, and 1 German). The result: a whole lot of laughter, some very confused faces due to my inability to speak clearly and lack of readjustment to not using slang, and a lot of "Grande!!" expressions. Which just so you know does not necessarily mean "Big!' As you would think. It's more like saying "Awesome!" or "Cool!" Something along those lines anyway.

So what is it they found so entertaining about our way of life? 

1) I think what got the largest reaction (and I'm not kidding) is the compartmentalized styrofoam plates we commonly see at holiday get-togethers. hahahah. Crazy right? I would have never thought about it, but they couldn't believe those or the amount of food.

2) Next in line: The house in suburban Chicago we found that is decorated like Chevy Chase's house (hence the name for the album).  I believe I got a "Mi Dio!" on that one from Giulio and a "how do the neighbors sleep?!" from Andre.

3) The other biggest shock....our 9ft fake Christmas tree by the fire place. Lena: "It's like a movie!" And everyone else: "It's HUGE!" Then, I told them that was just one of our trees. They then proceeded to tell me that, everything is big in America, which I suppose is probably true. :)

4) However, my favorite was the little treat I brought back for Giulio: Red solo cups. It's no joke. You can't find them over here. And well, let's just say he wanted them for party planning purposes. ;)

5) I do have to mention one more thing, because the aunts and my mom will be pleased. We have been enjoying the Christmas candy immensely and I've loved trying to explain what everything is (turtles, bark cookies, icebox cookies, texas bon bons, etc.) The reactions both good and bad have been priceless.  ps...Mom...they love the turtles. I'll have to try and make them or something.

Just a few tidbits on life here and what we find interesting topics of conversation. If my friends read this, they'd probably tell you stories of things I've found interesting about here...and of course make fun of me. It's easy to do. :) 

Alright, I'm out for the evening, I need to sleep soon. Must. conquer. biology. and. pre-consolidation. tomorrow.

Studying...Studying...Studying....Lanchetta!

Day 1 of finally getting to study for these nasty exams was a quasi-success.  I say 'quasi' because I did succeed in translating around 14 pages of one of my presentations and making bi-lingual notes. Awesome?? It may appear so...however, this took me about 5 hours! This process only involved a few things:  one very large dictionary, a pocket translator (thank you sister Tiff! :) ), google translate from time to time (can't always trust what that will give you), and a 501 verb book (which still manages to leave out certain scientific verbs. sweet. :( ).  Why do I tell you all of this??

Because that presentation was 1 of about 6 for that class. And that class is one exam out of the 9 I have to take which all have that amount if not more presentations.  Needless to say, I have it all under control and I am nowhere close to PANICKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'M TOTALLY COOL. NOT WORRIED AT ALL....sorry am I yelling? I lost myself for a minute there. Phew...anyway....

I'm sure I'll get it sorted better tomorrow, and I'm really just venting about the frustration of the 4 extra exams that are AFTER my week of Master's exams (stupid stupid stupid).  I'll be fine. I'm gonna take those exams to the cleaners! (Can I use that analogy here??) Even with the positive attitude though, 5 hours of that would cause anyone to go a little crazy.

Thank God for Lanchetta. My other home. Nothing party planning, xmas candy (from the Rosenthal fam of course!), and some Portuguese port wine can't fix. :) I am once again renewed with optimism. I can take on the world! Too cheesy? Yeah I thought so too. Anyway, I'm really just glad that I was able to sleep at 1am last night and become a daywalker again. I got up at 8:30 am. BAM! Take that jet lag!

Jet Lag: 2 Sarah: 1

Crap he's still winning...You wait til tomorrow jet lag!!! I will dominate!!! (you can't see but i'm shaking my fist)

 With that all, I am off to bed. Love, love, love!