As we get ready to ring in the new year, I can't help but think how ready I am to leave 2012 behind. With everything that has happened this year, I am actually in disbelief that my last post was 7 months ago. How is that possible?! When did time acquire super human velocity?
There are so many things that I could talk about to reflect on the type of year that 2012 has been for me. I have had ups of course, with many things to celebrate, but there have also been many downs. Perhaps, though, the principle point taken from this past year is discovering what my character is actually made of when faced with adversities and challenges completely unforeseen.
I didn't deal with them prettily or in a dignified manner. BUT, I did stand back up. Each time with a renewed hope and drive to finish what I started. And I think....that may be the point, the valuable lesson we each so desperately need to learn. Life is not an easy journey if we wish to take everything we can from it. This crazy whirlwind of events, moments, and people is a challenge when we choose to participate and participate fully.
I can look back on this year and hate a great many things about it--the frustrations with my studies, unexpected obstacles, and endings that I never imagined possible. I look back at myself in each of these situations, and I think of how I felt then and how I feel now.
As trying and difficult as each obstacle seemed at the time, I can see how I grew in these moments. We forget many times that life is a never-ending learning experience, one that will only stop with death. I see myself now with a stronger constitution, as a woman who knows what she is capable of and what she deserves out of life. Yet, I must remember that I will have more lessons to learn, more trials to face, and of course more adventures to take.
So I don't have hard feelings towards 2012. I am taking from it the good parts, the vital lessons, and renewed self-assurance. I can look back with no regrets. I gave my best even at my worst, told others how I felt, and worked harder than I've ever worked before. And...in the end isn't that all we can ask of ourselves--is to give our best, be who we are, and work hard?
So with that, I'm tying up my loose ends, closing out 2012 happily and ready for my next adventure. I think the time has come also...to close this blog. While my student life may not be finished completely, there is a facet of the person I have been these past two years that has grown out of certain places, certain habits, and certain people. Where it plans to grow has yet to be seen, but I look forward to finding out in the coming year. I have big plans. :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Blessings in Disguise...
Somehow I completely missed the month of April and just about lost posting anything in May. I've said it many times before, and I will reiterate time passes faster than the blink of an eye. The velocity of these past two months could have something to do with the fact that I was all over the place for school (and yes pleasure too. :) ) I was fortunate enough to visit the amazing city of Berlin--the wall and history of it completely mesmerized me, as those of you have seen my photos can easily see. I also felt like a legit serious academic at my first conference in Valencia. Spain continues to win my heart everytime I go, each location being more beautiful and entrancing than the next. I think I could seriously live there. And finally, as silly as it would seem I was finally able to see some of the glorious country that has so lovingly let me call it home for the past 2 years, Switzerland. Zurich has such an eclectic vibe of a big(ger) city that is truly Swiss, but also international. Then there are the unbelievable tiny jewels of Malvaglia and Biasca in the valley of Ticino tucked up in the hills of the mountains, yes...cascading waterfalls and all. Something out of a storybook really. And finally, my first glimpse of the French part of this small yet incredibly diverse country in Neuchatel.
I tell you by the middle of this month, I was literally exhausted from living out of a suitcase and hopping from train to plane and back to the train again. I literally spoke 5 different languages in the span of 24 hours (albeit most were only snippets of French, Spanish, and German. You know 'thank you' 'I would like this' etc., but hey....I can try to sound uber cool right??). Anyway, I don't know that I ever reached this point, where I had literally had enough of gypsy travel as I did when I finally arrived back home mid May. Now I know you're thinking, "right what is this 'woe is me' junk??" It's not really that. I am so very thankful for the opportunities that I have had studying and living here. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It was actually more of a huge surprise to have that sensation, this indescribable need and ache of wanting nothing more than my bed in the house where I grew up. It literally hurts physically. On top of that, I received some news that completely changed EVERY single plan I had made for the next 6 months. Needless to say....America had never sounded so good to me, and for more than just a visit.
But...yes....there is always a 'but'. I will be returning here to my little Swiss town for almost another year indefinitely. No negotiations. No other possible scenarios. While that is far from the worst thing that could ever happen to me, it was definitely a slap in the face regarding the reasons why. And I think from this unforeseen twist in my loose life-plan, I learned the ultimate and true definition of a 'blessing in disguise.' It's taken me several weeks to reason my stubborn self into this optimistic point-of-view, considering I have yet to realize or discover exactly what that particular blessing is. However, I am choosing to see the glass half full. Life in the last few weeks has handed me the largest bucket full of lemons I have ever laid my eyes upon, and it has taken numerous near-breakdowns/panic attacks to finally enact my philosophy of grabbing the vodka on the nearby liquor self and throwing a party. And no...it isn't a pity party. It's a middle-finger-in-the-air type of shin dig where I tell life whatever curve ball it throws at me, I'll hit it out of the park. I will succeed. So screw you. :)
So maybe what I'm trying to say more clearly is that life will NEVER cease to mess with the plans you have however nonchalant or loose they are. Always be prepared. Because that moment you let your guard down is when it will smack you in the face in an attempt to leave you scrambling. Yet, if you're like me...it's gonna take a whole lot more of a bucket full of lemons to have us drown in sorrows. I'm gonna win in the end. I imagine most of you will know you will too, so it's become entertaining to watch life put forth so much effort. And if you can keep that sense of hilarity and calm, nothing can stop you. Ever.
So that's it from me this time. I have t-minus 27 days until a much needed dose of America. Now if I could just concentrate on those last presentations before my visit home.....
I tell you by the middle of this month, I was literally exhausted from living out of a suitcase and hopping from train to plane and back to the train again. I literally spoke 5 different languages in the span of 24 hours (albeit most were only snippets of French, Spanish, and German. You know 'thank you' 'I would like this' etc., but hey....I can try to sound uber cool right??). Anyway, I don't know that I ever reached this point, where I had literally had enough of gypsy travel as I did when I finally arrived back home mid May. Now I know you're thinking, "right what is this 'woe is me' junk??" It's not really that. I am so very thankful for the opportunities that I have had studying and living here. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It was actually more of a huge surprise to have that sensation, this indescribable need and ache of wanting nothing more than my bed in the house where I grew up. It literally hurts physically. On top of that, I received some news that completely changed EVERY single plan I had made for the next 6 months. Needless to say....America had never sounded so good to me, and for more than just a visit.
But...yes....there is always a 'but'. I will be returning here to my little Swiss town for almost another year indefinitely. No negotiations. No other possible scenarios. While that is far from the worst thing that could ever happen to me, it was definitely a slap in the face regarding the reasons why. And I think from this unforeseen twist in my loose life-plan, I learned the ultimate and true definition of a 'blessing in disguise.' It's taken me several weeks to reason my stubborn self into this optimistic point-of-view, considering I have yet to realize or discover exactly what that particular blessing is. However, I am choosing to see the glass half full. Life in the last few weeks has handed me the largest bucket full of lemons I have ever laid my eyes upon, and it has taken numerous near-breakdowns/panic attacks to finally enact my philosophy of grabbing the vodka on the nearby liquor self and throwing a party. And no...it isn't a pity party. It's a middle-finger-in-the-air type of shin dig where I tell life whatever curve ball it throws at me, I'll hit it out of the park. I will succeed. So screw you. :)
So maybe what I'm trying to say more clearly is that life will NEVER cease to mess with the plans you have however nonchalant or loose they are. Always be prepared. Because that moment you let your guard down is when it will smack you in the face in an attempt to leave you scrambling. Yet, if you're like me...it's gonna take a whole lot more of a bucket full of lemons to have us drown in sorrows. I'm gonna win in the end. I imagine most of you will know you will too, so it's become entertaining to watch life put forth so much effort. And if you can keep that sense of hilarity and calm, nothing can stop you. Ever.
So that's it from me this time. I have t-minus 27 days until a much needed dose of America. Now if I could just concentrate on those last presentations before my visit home.....
Thursday, March 29, 2012
I have a gym....
I am positive that no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to understand the concept of time. Here we are at the end of March 2012. I feel that many of my entries begin this way--with the acknowledgement of blurring days full of hours, minutes, and seconds that seem to last merely a breath. Yet, I suppose if that's what I think of most, than awareness of the infinitely moving essence of time is a good thing. Probably even a great thing. Hopefully I never lose this sense of urgency, this need to fill my days with all of the beauty and wonder that this life has to offer.
My life in the last month has been something of that wonder, a small snippet I'll say. I've come to the conclusion that major changes or growths in character, in oneself, happen in 6 month intervals. With my last semester of graduate school in full swing, and only the writing of my thesis to occupy my days academically, I find myself thinking back to the first days of my arrival here in Lugano. And....I am so changed. I see these changes too, that have occurred to me over the last year and half, and I can clearly see the shifts, the movements, the moments, when something changed, something turned and finally clicked into place. Each one of these moments follows this convenient little pattern of being around 6 months from the next. I still haven't worked out the significance of these shifts, of the timeframe in which they occur, but I think it may be important. For what....that is yet to be discovered.
So for now, I'll talk about the latest shift. I have a gym. Yes. A gym. Why is that a shift? It sounds silly when I write it out in words (or well, maybe only to you), but I began a gym membership. Nothing out of the ordinary really. Many people have those. It's common. And at first, I didn't really think anything of it, but it hit me one day that I thought, "Holy crap! I'm putting down roots in this town!! I have a gym!!!!" Why the gym? Why such significance? I'm not really sure, but it made things seem a little more permanent. A little more solid. Even if it's only for a little while-- I joined a gym in a foreign country. I did a completely normal mundane thing, that occurs monthly over and over, where they learn your face and you see the same people and make friends....in a foreign country. Perhaps it seems silly to others, and maybe it is. But, it made me look back at the things that I've gone through, the challenges, the victories, and it made me feel like I was finally starting to get the hang of this thing. Finally close to achieving the many things I've worked for.
You ask (I'm sure of it) "how can a gym membership do that?" My answer is that I don't really know. All I know is how I felt when I had the realization, that I had built a life here, one more in-depth than I ever thought would be possible. And I'm happy. Really and truly. These previous 6 months have taken me into some of the darkest places I've ever been, but at the end of it, I've never seen so much light. How invigorating! Empowering even! (I don't even care if that sounds like a Beyonce song!)
Life is good. I'm writing my thesis, watching the most adorable little boy and his baby sister, close to having an opportunity of a lifetime, and so so so excited for what the next 6 months will bring. How will I change? What will happen? Where will life take me?? It's all a mystery, and perhaps maybe I can credit this appreciation, this realization with the fact that: I have a gym. :)
My life in the last month has been something of that wonder, a small snippet I'll say. I've come to the conclusion that major changes or growths in character, in oneself, happen in 6 month intervals. With my last semester of graduate school in full swing, and only the writing of my thesis to occupy my days academically, I find myself thinking back to the first days of my arrival here in Lugano. And....I am so changed. I see these changes too, that have occurred to me over the last year and half, and I can clearly see the shifts, the movements, the moments, when something changed, something turned and finally clicked into place. Each one of these moments follows this convenient little pattern of being around 6 months from the next. I still haven't worked out the significance of these shifts, of the timeframe in which they occur, but I think it may be important. For what....that is yet to be discovered.
So for now, I'll talk about the latest shift. I have a gym. Yes. A gym. Why is that a shift? It sounds silly when I write it out in words (or well, maybe only to you), but I began a gym membership. Nothing out of the ordinary really. Many people have those. It's common. And at first, I didn't really think anything of it, but it hit me one day that I thought, "Holy crap! I'm putting down roots in this town!! I have a gym!!!!" Why the gym? Why such significance? I'm not really sure, but it made things seem a little more permanent. A little more solid. Even if it's only for a little while-- I joined a gym in a foreign country. I did a completely normal mundane thing, that occurs monthly over and over, where they learn your face and you see the same people and make friends....in a foreign country. Perhaps it seems silly to others, and maybe it is. But, it made me look back at the things that I've gone through, the challenges, the victories, and it made me feel like I was finally starting to get the hang of this thing. Finally close to achieving the many things I've worked for.
You ask (I'm sure of it) "how can a gym membership do that?" My answer is that I don't really know. All I know is how I felt when I had the realization, that I had built a life here, one more in-depth than I ever thought would be possible. And I'm happy. Really and truly. These previous 6 months have taken me into some of the darkest places I've ever been, but at the end of it, I've never seen so much light. How invigorating! Empowering even! (I don't even care if that sounds like a Beyonce song!)
Life is good. I'm writing my thesis, watching the most adorable little boy and his baby sister, close to having an opportunity of a lifetime, and so so so excited for what the next 6 months will bring. How will I change? What will happen? Where will life take me?? It's all a mystery, and perhaps maybe I can credit this appreciation, this realization with the fact that: I have a gym. :)
Saturday, February 25, 2012
The Beginning of the End...
So, my last official semester of graduate school has officially started. It is the beginning of the end of my time here. How do I feel about it? Good I think. It's a little bit surreal really, but I think that I'm ready for the next part. No...I know I am, and I am so incredibly excited!! Only catch: with time flying as it tends to do, we are already at the end of February, which makes June and the end of this semester seem EXTREMELY close for this little old thing called a thesis. AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (panicking)
Looks like it's work work work and no play for the next 4 months.....maybe. ;)
I wish that there was some really insightful things that I could think of to say right now, but really all I've got is that life is good. It truly is. For the first time in my life I think I can say that I know what I want and where I want to go. I mean usually I have a 'rough idea' but that's a nice way of saying "I have no freakin' clue." How cool is it to finally feel like you know yourself and what you're capable of accomplishing? It's a feeling of peace I've never actually encountered before, like I know I've already won the game. I'm hoping it will hold out long enough to keep me from consuming record amounts of coca-cola to keep stress/panic/anxiety attacks at bay while I write this thesis. Cross your fingers it does (for all our sakes) because if not I may start trying to sniff it and wind up with ice cubes stuck in my nose. Hey--desperate time will call for desperate measures! Pray it doesn't come to that.
Outside of praying for sanity during thesis writing, I really can't ask for more in my life right now: Amazing friends, loving family, unbelievable work possibilities, and my favorite part...getting to see new pieces of the world here and there. :) This month was Andalucia, Spain and in April we'll check out Berlin. I just feel so blessed, and I don't plan on taking any of it for granted. So...I'm actually going to stop writing here and go do something constructive. You know: "Carpe Diem!"
So until next time....when I possible have something more profound to say.
Looks like it's work work work and no play for the next 4 months.....maybe. ;)
I wish that there was some really insightful things that I could think of to say right now, but really all I've got is that life is good. It truly is. For the first time in my life I think I can say that I know what I want and where I want to go. I mean usually I have a 'rough idea' but that's a nice way of saying "I have no freakin' clue." How cool is it to finally feel like you know yourself and what you're capable of accomplishing? It's a feeling of peace I've never actually encountered before, like I know I've already won the game. I'm hoping it will hold out long enough to keep me from consuming record amounts of coca-cola to keep stress/panic/anxiety attacks at bay while I write this thesis. Cross your fingers it does (for all our sakes) because if not I may start trying to sniff it and wind up with ice cubes stuck in my nose. Hey--desperate time will call for desperate measures! Pray it doesn't come to that.
Outside of praying for sanity during thesis writing, I really can't ask for more in my life right now: Amazing friends, loving family, unbelievable work possibilities, and my favorite part...getting to see new pieces of the world here and there. :) This month was Andalucia, Spain and in April we'll check out Berlin. I just feel so blessed, and I don't plan on taking any of it for granted. So...I'm actually going to stop writing here and go do something constructive. You know: "Carpe Diem!"
So until next time....when I possible have something more profound to say.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
A Year in Review...
I think it could be safe to say that 2011 has passed with more speed than any year I can remember at a pace frighteningly similar to blinking. There were parts, however, that were agonizingly slow. Some parts I'd rather not remember. But, in reality, I see all were necessary, and as I sit here and think of the crazy ride that 2011 has been, perhaps the most valuable were the parts that I'd rather not recall.
It's a little funny actually. There are many things to recount from this year all fantastic, many big accomplishments for me-- finishing a year and half of grad school in a foreign language (which I am now quasi-fluent), traveling to a new continent, having an Italian Thanksgiving and an Irish Christmas even! But the things that stick out the most in my mind, are the crap parts, the parts that in many ways, I wish I hadn't had to deal with. These were the times that I learned the most, discovered the most about myself (good bits and bad bits), and also found that I have some of the very best and without a doubt amazing people in my life both home in America and my home away from home here in Europe. I am beyond blessed and lucky, and will continue to remind myself of that and be thankful for it everyday, especially on the days that aren't so great.
I suppose I don't have much more to say about you 2011. You were good to me and you were bad to me. But all in all it was for my own benefit. I was challenged more than I've ever been challenged, which is always a good thing. How can you ever get better if there is nothing to push you to be? I had new adventures alone and with friends, both old and new. I watched one of my dearest and oldest friends get married to her best friend. That is a memory that I will carry with me forever. I was able to show my roommate where I come from and introduce her to the people that mean the most to me in my life first-hand. I found another family in the girls that I study with, and I have no doubt we will stay that way always. I was welcomed into homes with open arms without question, even in times that many would find an intrusion. There is much to be said for Moroccan, Italian, Portuguese, Irish....well let's just say 'global' hospitality, and for that I am eternally grateful.
At the end of it, I really can't say enough about the people that 2011 has brought into my life. Perhaps this has been the greatest gift of this year or any year for that matter. In my experiences, I've found that people are just good no matter where you go, and that is a refreshing thing in a world where all you hear about is doom and gloom. These people have all left imprints on my heart in their own individual way, and I hope that we make many more memories together in years to come. Maybe it would even be fitting (and yes albeit cheesy) to credit 2011 with a real-time illustration of a quote from a favorite movie of mine-- "Love actually is all around."
So 2011, I salute you, I thank you, and I also say good riddance. I am looking forward to 2012. It's shaping up to be absolutely fantastic: Spain with the ladies, my little brother's wedding, and this little old thing called a Master's Degree! :) Who knows what other things it has in store for me, but I think I'm ready to take it all on. You've given me plenty for my arsenal 2011 and now I say one more time: Grazie mille e ciaoooooooooooo!!
It's a little funny actually. There are many things to recount from this year all fantastic, many big accomplishments for me-- finishing a year and half of grad school in a foreign language (which I am now quasi-fluent), traveling to a new continent, having an Italian Thanksgiving and an Irish Christmas even! But the things that stick out the most in my mind, are the crap parts, the parts that in many ways, I wish I hadn't had to deal with. These were the times that I learned the most, discovered the most about myself (good bits and bad bits), and also found that I have some of the very best and without a doubt amazing people in my life both home in America and my home away from home here in Europe. I am beyond blessed and lucky, and will continue to remind myself of that and be thankful for it everyday, especially on the days that aren't so great.
I suppose I don't have much more to say about you 2011. You were good to me and you were bad to me. But all in all it was for my own benefit. I was challenged more than I've ever been challenged, which is always a good thing. How can you ever get better if there is nothing to push you to be? I had new adventures alone and with friends, both old and new. I watched one of my dearest and oldest friends get married to her best friend. That is a memory that I will carry with me forever. I was able to show my roommate where I come from and introduce her to the people that mean the most to me in my life first-hand. I found another family in the girls that I study with, and I have no doubt we will stay that way always. I was welcomed into homes with open arms without question, even in times that many would find an intrusion. There is much to be said for Moroccan, Italian, Portuguese, Irish....well let's just say 'global' hospitality, and for that I am eternally grateful.
At the end of it, I really can't say enough about the people that 2011 has brought into my life. Perhaps this has been the greatest gift of this year or any year for that matter. In my experiences, I've found that people are just good no matter where you go, and that is a refreshing thing in a world where all you hear about is doom and gloom. These people have all left imprints on my heart in their own individual way, and I hope that we make many more memories together in years to come. Maybe it would even be fitting (and yes albeit cheesy) to credit 2011 with a real-time illustration of a quote from a favorite movie of mine-- "Love actually is all around."
So 2011, I salute you, I thank you, and I also say good riddance. I am looking forward to 2012. It's shaping up to be absolutely fantastic: Spain with the ladies, my little brother's wedding, and this little old thing called a Master's Degree! :) Who knows what other things it has in store for me, but I think I'm ready to take it all on. You've given me plenty for my arsenal 2011 and now I say one more time: Grazie mille e ciaoooooooooooo!!
Monday, November 28, 2011
Thankful is...
November over the past years has increasingly become my least favorite month of the year. The leaves are suddenly gone, the world seems to die, and winter begins to bear its ugly face. Not only that, but I can oh-so-conveniently clump all of the worst things that have happened to me in the past five years into the month of November. We're not really creating a great history here, November and I, and this year is finding itself in a close second to the worst November I've ever had in my life. It's been AMAZING....not. Now you're probably wondering..."um....I thought this was supposed to be a message about being thankful???" And you're right it is despite what I've just written.
I am truly, utterly, and completely thankful. On the one hand because through all of these seemingly rainy days and cold nights, I am still able to catch a glimpse of the sun. That even though school is the hardest it's ever been, and I've never felt more insufficient...I've learned more, become better because of it, and now have no doubts at my abilities to do the work I love so much. That even in a foreign country thousands of miles away from my family and my friends who have known me most of my life....I find myself surrounded by another family willing to be there for me through everything--no matter what, without even speaking the same language.
I am not, in fact an unlucky person in this seemingly November curse. I've actually come to think the opposite. That perhaps its better November is so crappy. That I am incredibly lucky for the misfortune. Because I can really truly appreciate all of the blessings in my life. My health, my work, my family here and back in the US, and this insane form of optimism that no matter how many times it's beat up, broken, or shot down...I can't get the stupid thing to die. Thank God. I mean what fun would I be if I was an empty, bitter, old cat lady??
So.... I am thankful for all of the crap that is in my life. Yes you heard it. I am THANKFUL for all of the bad. Without it, I couldn't appreciate the good or show how very much I love those dear to me the proper way. I got to celebrate Thanksgiving not once...but twice this year. The second time without any Americans. Not-a-one. But you know...the more I think about it....the more I think everyone should celebrate it. Because giving thanks for the blessings in our lives isn't something just reserved for Americans. It applies to everyone- young, old; big, small; American or European. So listen up world, I'm dubbing Thanksgiving an international holiday, and I will plan to keep it that way.
I am truly, utterly, and completely thankful. On the one hand because through all of these seemingly rainy days and cold nights, I am still able to catch a glimpse of the sun. That even though school is the hardest it's ever been, and I've never felt more insufficient...I've learned more, become better because of it, and now have no doubts at my abilities to do the work I love so much. That even in a foreign country thousands of miles away from my family and my friends who have known me most of my life....I find myself surrounded by another family willing to be there for me through everything--no matter what, without even speaking the same language.
I am not, in fact an unlucky person in this seemingly November curse. I've actually come to think the opposite. That perhaps its better November is so crappy. That I am incredibly lucky for the misfortune. Because I can really truly appreciate all of the blessings in my life. My health, my work, my family here and back in the US, and this insane form of optimism that no matter how many times it's beat up, broken, or shot down...I can't get the stupid thing to die. Thank God. I mean what fun would I be if I was an empty, bitter, old cat lady??
So.... I am thankful for all of the crap that is in my life. Yes you heard it. I am THANKFUL for all of the bad. Without it, I couldn't appreciate the good or show how very much I love those dear to me the proper way. I got to celebrate Thanksgiving not once...but twice this year. The second time without any Americans. Not-a-one. But you know...the more I think about it....the more I think everyone should celebrate it. Because giving thanks for the blessings in our lives isn't something just reserved for Americans. It applies to everyone- young, old; big, small; American or European. So listen up world, I'm dubbing Thanksgiving an international holiday, and I will plan to keep it that way.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Don't blink....
I've been back for 1 month already. Thrown back into everything without stopping, and suddenly we're almost done with October!! It's like I blinked that afternoon getting on the plane in September and wound up here close to halfway through my third semester of graduate school. Only one to go. Then it's on to the next part whatever that may be. Now I realize that there will be a LOT of things in between (namely one certain thesis comes to mind) but my life is blowing by me so fast I can hardly hold on. I've got this sense of urgency that's come over me in the last month to not waste one second, one minute.
I know I've said it before, but why oh why can't we have a slow motion, pause, or stop button??? Sometimes I find myself blindsided by a moment, so simple, so painfully beautiful I want to keep it in front of my eyes, in my physical sight forever. I watched the sunrise for the first time in my 26 years two weeks ago. I've never seen anything like it. The lightening of a dark sky, the night finished. And then suddenly it's like the clouds catch fire, the sky is full of bright yellow light, and it's brilliant. Absolutely, unabashedly brilliant. I asked myself: "Why have I never done this before??? Witnessed such an amazing miracle of nature?" And in that moment I wanted to pause life--sitting on the dock of Lago di Varese in Italy, in beautiful company--and just soak it in for hours and hours, to the point where I could breathe it in, taste it.
But....no matter how much we want that, how much we yearn for that slow motion or pause button it will forever elude us. So 'don't blink' as Kenny Chesney sings in a song, because you may wake up one day on your last day, wondering what happened to the life you were supposed to live. Maybe that's a bit of a sad thought, but I don't think so. For me it's a reminder that even when life is in fast forward, I need to remember moments like that first sunrise and always look for the next adventure. Even if it's something like weekends doing homework with my two classmates (the 3 musketeers!) or pasta made on-site in the 15th century church where we're working. They are simple but beautiful. And I don't want to blink....because I just might miss one.
I know I've said it before, but why oh why can't we have a slow motion, pause, or stop button??? Sometimes I find myself blindsided by a moment, so simple, so painfully beautiful I want to keep it in front of my eyes, in my physical sight forever. I watched the sunrise for the first time in my 26 years two weeks ago. I've never seen anything like it. The lightening of a dark sky, the night finished. And then suddenly it's like the clouds catch fire, the sky is full of bright yellow light, and it's brilliant. Absolutely, unabashedly brilliant. I asked myself: "Why have I never done this before??? Witnessed such an amazing miracle of nature?" And in that moment I wanted to pause life--sitting on the dock of Lago di Varese in Italy, in beautiful company--and just soak it in for hours and hours, to the point where I could breathe it in, taste it.
But....no matter how much we want that, how much we yearn for that slow motion or pause button it will forever elude us. So 'don't blink' as Kenny Chesney sings in a song, because you may wake up one day on your last day, wondering what happened to the life you were supposed to live. Maybe that's a bit of a sad thought, but I don't think so. For me it's a reminder that even when life is in fast forward, I need to remember moments like that first sunrise and always look for the next adventure. Even if it's something like weekends doing homework with my two classmates (the 3 musketeers!) or pasta made on-site in the 15th century church where we're working. They are simple but beautiful. And I don't want to blink....because I just might miss one.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The Boxes in the Basement...
So as I was readying myself for the move from my small hometown to the big windy city last night, I decided to go through some boxes of old stuff of mine I'd packed up and stored in our basement. It's not a new exercise. It tends to be one that I do everytime I come home for an extended stay. Each time, I find more things that I can part with, more things that aren't so important as they were 1 year, 2 years, even 10 years ago, but also things that remain so very dear to me year after year. It's almost like a therapy for me, a re-evaluation of myself-who I've been, where I want to go- and a nice little walk down memory lane all at once.
This time was no different. I actually parted with more things (yes, little big brother I got rid of things! :D haha) than I ever have. I'm really trying to realize what I really need in my life and what I don't both material and immaterial. But, don't fret, I didn't throw out everything (far from it actually). There were of course old t-shirts to save from H.S. & college that I want made into a blankets, pictures, and the twig 'necklace holder' my 8-year-old brother made me so many years ago, and then there is always that long lost treasure. That something that you don't even remember keeping, even though you know you've been through those boxes 3 time before. It can be anything-a note from a grade school crush, those mardi gras beads you saved from that spring break in Daytona, or a picture of you and your best friend in beginning band uniforms you didn't know you had. These rediscovered moments of your life resonant stronger than anything, and you're suddenly more aware of the places you've been, where you are, and where you want to go.
This time around I ran across an old creative writing journal from my junior year of high school. I knew I'd kept papers and things, but I hadn't really remembered this. Naturally, I thumbed through the now decade old pages. There were silly entries about my cat, colors of the rainbow, and my name. But I also came across more serious ones: a poem I wrote right after the September 11th attacks, an entry dealing with the grief of losing a fellow teammate and friend much too soon, and an entry about life---advice about it and where I saw myself at 30. It was quite strange reading these bits authored by my 16-year-old self. Where I saw myself at 30 (now only 4 years away) gave me crazy goosebumps for several different reasons, and my advice to others is something I've been striving to live by...only I don't remember knowing it so soon! I wrote on Dec. 5th, 2001 "Life is what you make it. Reach high, dream big, and you will go far in life. Your family and friends will always be there for you, so don't be afraid of making a mistake." Great advice to live by....my only question: why then did I live in fear of failure so long during my adolescent/young adult years?
Maybe it's possible I didn't quite understand the meaning of my own words yet. By this I mean the extent of the definition. Yes, I've always been up to the challenge of the classroom and participating in other activities. But there are other areas of life that I've even recently discovered my own fear of failure. I won't specify exactly what, but I realized that this fear also applies to all aspects of your personal life. I think that this fear of failure happens here largely in part to the way society pushes us to morph our own thoughts and ideas as to not step on toes or anger other parties. We shouldn't live life in fear that way. It only ends in regret of things left unsaid. I hate that...regret. I vowed years ago I would live my life without it, and I've done well since up until this point. That little journal entry from 10 years ago, no more than a child myself, spoke volumes to me last night. I pride myself on living without fear, but realize that I've been neglecting it in some areas of my life. I'm done with that now. If you don't like what I have to say. Sorry. It probably means we weren't supposed to be friends anyway, and I'm ok with that....you should be too.
This time was no different. I actually parted with more things (yes, little big brother I got rid of things! :D haha) than I ever have. I'm really trying to realize what I really need in my life and what I don't both material and immaterial. But, don't fret, I didn't throw out everything (far from it actually). There were of course old t-shirts to save from H.S. & college that I want made into a blankets, pictures, and the twig 'necklace holder' my 8-year-old brother made me so many years ago, and then there is always that long lost treasure. That something that you don't even remember keeping, even though you know you've been through those boxes 3 time before. It can be anything-a note from a grade school crush, those mardi gras beads you saved from that spring break in Daytona, or a picture of you and your best friend in beginning band uniforms you didn't know you had. These rediscovered moments of your life resonant stronger than anything, and you're suddenly more aware of the places you've been, where you are, and where you want to go.
This time around I ran across an old creative writing journal from my junior year of high school. I knew I'd kept papers and things, but I hadn't really remembered this. Naturally, I thumbed through the now decade old pages. There were silly entries about my cat, colors of the rainbow, and my name. But I also came across more serious ones: a poem I wrote right after the September 11th attacks, an entry dealing with the grief of losing a fellow teammate and friend much too soon, and an entry about life---advice about it and where I saw myself at 30. It was quite strange reading these bits authored by my 16-year-old self. Where I saw myself at 30 (now only 4 years away) gave me crazy goosebumps for several different reasons, and my advice to others is something I've been striving to live by...only I don't remember knowing it so soon! I wrote on Dec. 5th, 2001 "Life is what you make it. Reach high, dream big, and you will go far in life. Your family and friends will always be there for you, so don't be afraid of making a mistake." Great advice to live by....my only question: why then did I live in fear of failure so long during my adolescent/young adult years?
Maybe it's possible I didn't quite understand the meaning of my own words yet. By this I mean the extent of the definition. Yes, I've always been up to the challenge of the classroom and participating in other activities. But there are other areas of life that I've even recently discovered my own fear of failure. I won't specify exactly what, but I realized that this fear also applies to all aspects of your personal life. I think that this fear of failure happens here largely in part to the way society pushes us to morph our own thoughts and ideas as to not step on toes or anger other parties. We shouldn't live life in fear that way. It only ends in regret of things left unsaid. I hate that...regret. I vowed years ago I would live my life without it, and I've done well since up until this point. That little journal entry from 10 years ago, no more than a child myself, spoke volumes to me last night. I pride myself on living without fear, but realize that I've been neglecting it in some areas of my life. I'm done with that now. If you don't like what I have to say. Sorry. It probably means we weren't supposed to be friends anyway, and I'm ok with that....you should be too.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Breakfast at the Uptown Cafe...
I'm home stateside now for the summer, and as always there's a transitioning process. No matter how many times I come back there's always an 'excess overload' when I come to America. Then, like always, I pull back into the driveway of my childhood home. The road I take is the same, the air smells again like fresh cut grass and corn, and my front porch welcome's me with open arms for the first inaugural summer session on the swing. Suddenly all that shock is gone, I don't feel like an alien in my own country, and I'm once again Sarah Braun from Morrisonville--'you know Diana Rosenthal's daughter, one of Kenny and LaDonna's grandkids.'
One of the advantages of being gone is that each time I come back, I appreciate the place I was grown that much more. I talk a lot about taking mental snapshots and vividly recording moments in your life. I've been back for 2 days, and I have been filling my memory bank non-stop-- walking in the door with my mom to find my uncle had left home grown sweet corn on the kitchen table. He knows how much I love it (and yes my community is the kind that doesn't always lock their doors. It's a beautiful thing.); Meeting my childhood best friend's new son for the first time, and feeling so much love for that sweet beautiful child the moment I laid eyes on him; and today having an early 7am breakfast with my 84-year-old grandpa at the "Uptown Cafe" while he sits with his fellow community institutions and talks about the who's who and the what's what going on, or the latest claims they've got to review on farmers' crops, or even next week's town picnic/fair.
I had a realization this morning as I'm talking with these men that saw me grow from a baby to a young woman, and it was bittersweet. I cherish this morning with my grandpa, watching him laugh or curse in the same sentence about using the computer, calling the waitress by name as she refills both our coffee mugs. I don't know how many more I'll get, and I am so aware how blessed I am to have this moment and this morning. How lucky I am to have grown up in such a loving supportive community. Yes, maybe my town is a little like Mayberry, but they take care of their own no matter how long you've been away. It's always like you've never left.
So maybe this time around I'll say that I'm appreciating life from a different angle. It's not the new adventures I've taken or the ones I plan on having. But it's my origins that have stopped me in my tracks and overwhelmed me with the urgency and transient qualities of life. Maybe you may think 26 is too young an age to have anything wise to say, but even in these last 2 weeks I've learned some important life lessons. I've learned that being true to yourself has more facets than I ever imagined, and that it applies to every aspect of life. If we forget that, it is so easy to lose ourselves no matter how hard we've worked to find it. And then we lose sight of what we really want in this life. It's also okay to want things that most others are afraid to want, and to be vocal about it even if what that is has some small town tendencies. Who cares. Embrace all of those parts of you--where you are, where you want to go, and most importantly where you've come from. They shape our lives, and mine is one that I think I'm finally starting to understand.
One of the advantages of being gone is that each time I come back, I appreciate the place I was grown that much more. I talk a lot about taking mental snapshots and vividly recording moments in your life. I've been back for 2 days, and I have been filling my memory bank non-stop-- walking in the door with my mom to find my uncle had left home grown sweet corn on the kitchen table. He knows how much I love it (and yes my community is the kind that doesn't always lock their doors. It's a beautiful thing.); Meeting my childhood best friend's new son for the first time, and feeling so much love for that sweet beautiful child the moment I laid eyes on him; and today having an early 7am breakfast with my 84-year-old grandpa at the "Uptown Cafe" while he sits with his fellow community institutions and talks about the who's who and the what's what going on, or the latest claims they've got to review on farmers' crops, or even next week's town picnic/fair.
I had a realization this morning as I'm talking with these men that saw me grow from a baby to a young woman, and it was bittersweet. I cherish this morning with my grandpa, watching him laugh or curse in the same sentence about using the computer, calling the waitress by name as she refills both our coffee mugs. I don't know how many more I'll get, and I am so aware how blessed I am to have this moment and this morning. How lucky I am to have grown up in such a loving supportive community. Yes, maybe my town is a little like Mayberry, but they take care of their own no matter how long you've been away. It's always like you've never left.
So maybe this time around I'll say that I'm appreciating life from a different angle. It's not the new adventures I've taken or the ones I plan on having. But it's my origins that have stopped me in my tracks and overwhelmed me with the urgency and transient qualities of life. Maybe you may think 26 is too young an age to have anything wise to say, but even in these last 2 weeks I've learned some important life lessons. I've learned that being true to yourself has more facets than I ever imagined, and that it applies to every aspect of life. If we forget that, it is so easy to lose ourselves no matter how hard we've worked to find it. And then we lose sight of what we really want in this life. It's also okay to want things that most others are afraid to want, and to be vocal about it even if what that is has some small town tendencies. Who cares. Embrace all of those parts of you--where you are, where you want to go, and most importantly where you've come from. They shape our lives, and mine is one that I think I'm finally starting to understand.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
I drank a liter and a half of coke last night....
Exam time has once again just about taken me under. It's to the point where I've ingested an entire liter and half of coca-cola in matter of 2-3 hours, brewed coffee with coffee (yes that means I put coffee where the water goes), and topped it all off with the rest of a bottle of wine. These are serious times here people and the longest two weeks ever, possibly even longer than the legion of doom I faced in January. I don't know if the universities wield some kind of power that slows time during exams, but it's seriously like the never-ending story this time 'round. And on top of that, the sun is shining, it is officially summer, and the Lido (our little beach here) is calling my naaaaaammmme (it would be rude not to answer) :)
One positive: my thesis presentation is over. And by some act of God, it went well. There was lots of nodding and intent stares. I believe some academic 'hmmms' were uttered with force. All good signs. Although as one of my dear friends told me in regards to the staring, 'you probably had a booger in your nose.' And here I thought I had something interesting to say! haha. Anyway 3 more to go. And it's July 1st. I'm two weeks from being stateside, and the summer holidays are at my feet. Non vedo l'ora per Venerdi'!!!!
I wish I had something more profound to say this time around. But my brain is seriously mush. The only thing I can think about is how excited I am to see everyone at home and watch my best friend get married! :D But simultaneously I'm sad that I leave so soon from Lugano. Yes it's only 9 weeks in the States (which is really better considering some how I always end running around a million miles an hour there), but its strange. I can't really put my finger on it either. I suppose it's because Lugano is home now too. I'll miss my bed here, my kitchen, my son (yes my roommate I call 'figlio' and he calls me 'mamma') the beautiful view of the lake (that I haven't gotten to enjoy since these stupid exams!), and people. How I'll miss summer holidays with my friends here!
But I know the summer will fly just like this last year has. Sometimes I feel like the harder I try to hold onto moments and the beauty I see in things and people every day the faster more fleeting those moments become. I want so badly sometimes to push pause on my life and just sit bathe in the beauty of it all: Federica's yellow pants like sunshine on our exam day, hydrangeas in absolute full bloom, the post-it on the fridge from Lorena thanking me for dinner, or song lyrics from a friend just because she knew I'd appreciate their absolute truth. It's like trying to hold onto water, these moments, impossible. And yet it's what makes life so wonderful, living life in full force in every direction.....even in the middle of an all-nighter hyped-up on caffeine and simultaneously induced by the downing effects of wine close to a nervous breakdown. It's still beautiful. After all they say there's beauty in the breaking too no? :)
So I refuse to sit on my couch tomorrow and read chemical compounds when there's so much beauty to see in this life! I'm going to 'take some sun' as they say here and be irresponsible (sort of) by taking my notes to the beach. I'm going to spend the last few days at home taking it all in, this summer in Lugano, and then head back to my other home for cook outs, baseball, town fairs, mud volleyball, and dear dear dear friends.
One positive: my thesis presentation is over. And by some act of God, it went well. There was lots of nodding and intent stares. I believe some academic 'hmmms' were uttered with force. All good signs. Although as one of my dear friends told me in regards to the staring, 'you probably had a booger in your nose.' And here I thought I had something interesting to say! haha. Anyway 3 more to go. And it's July 1st. I'm two weeks from being stateside, and the summer holidays are at my feet. Non vedo l'ora per Venerdi'!!!!
I wish I had something more profound to say this time around. But my brain is seriously mush. The only thing I can think about is how excited I am to see everyone at home and watch my best friend get married! :D But simultaneously I'm sad that I leave so soon from Lugano. Yes it's only 9 weeks in the States (which is really better considering some how I always end running around a million miles an hour there), but its strange. I can't really put my finger on it either. I suppose it's because Lugano is home now too. I'll miss my bed here, my kitchen, my son (yes my roommate I call 'figlio' and he calls me 'mamma') the beautiful view of the lake (that I haven't gotten to enjoy since these stupid exams!), and people. How I'll miss summer holidays with my friends here!
But I know the summer will fly just like this last year has. Sometimes I feel like the harder I try to hold onto moments and the beauty I see in things and people every day the faster more fleeting those moments become. I want so badly sometimes to push pause on my life and just sit bathe in the beauty of it all: Federica's yellow pants like sunshine on our exam day, hydrangeas in absolute full bloom, the post-it on the fridge from Lorena thanking me for dinner, or song lyrics from a friend just because she knew I'd appreciate their absolute truth. It's like trying to hold onto water, these moments, impossible. And yet it's what makes life so wonderful, living life in full force in every direction.....even in the middle of an all-nighter hyped-up on caffeine and simultaneously induced by the downing effects of wine close to a nervous breakdown. It's still beautiful. After all they say there's beauty in the breaking too no? :)
So I refuse to sit on my couch tomorrow and read chemical compounds when there's so much beauty to see in this life! I'm going to 'take some sun' as they say here and be irresponsible (sort of) by taking my notes to the beach. I'm going to spend the last few days at home taking it all in, this summer in Lugano, and then head back to my other home for cook outs, baseball, town fairs, mud volleyball, and dear dear dear friends.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Home is....
I don't have any idea how it got to be the last day of May already! It really seems impossible. Tomorrow is my last day of class for my first year of graduate school. There's exams still to come of course, but this year in Switzerland has been incredibly too fast. In many ways, it's like I blinked in January when I returned from Christmas, and opened my eyes to the 31st of May.
Of course there is much that has happened along the way, no matter how quickly the time seems to have flown. I've learned more about myself in the past 10 months than I have at any other time in my life I think. I've reconciled unnecessary guilt, realized that WE are the only ones responsible for where we end up in our lives (so if you're unhappy...do something about it), met some of the most amazing people, and found that the more and more I travel, the more I realize that as people, as human beings, we are all the same at the core.
We need friends. We need family. We need a place to call home. It doesn't matter if you grew up in a big city in the US, a small town in Italy, or an old bazaar in Morocco (I have had the pleasure of meeting friends from each of these places), at the base of it all, we need people to love and a space that is ours. I have found that here in Lugano, with the city, the things I'm doing and learning, the people I'm with.
I think sometimes people take that the wrong way. That it means I've written off where I've come from. The thing is, that's the wrong way to look at it. When I go home to the US, I am home. It will always be my home. I was grown there, most of my history is there. But here....here is where I found myself. Something that I think speaks for itself.
So I look at it like this: How blessed am I to have found two homes?! Two places with people I love, places I love, and most of all two places that have a piece of my heart? It's a beautiful thing to get off an airplane both directions knowing that on each side are people to embrace you, a sight for sore eyes, and a bed the causes you to sigh in ecstasy when you curl up in it for the night. What does that all mean? I'm not exactly sure yet. Does that mean I've found somewhere I want to stay for awhile? Yes. Does that mean I want to replace a home? Not in the least.
What I do know for sure...is that I feel alive, and I want to stay that way. So if this where my heart feels that way--like anything is possible, fully aware of dreams within my grasp-- then I think for now its found home. For now anyway....
Of course there is much that has happened along the way, no matter how quickly the time seems to have flown. I've learned more about myself in the past 10 months than I have at any other time in my life I think. I've reconciled unnecessary guilt, realized that WE are the only ones responsible for where we end up in our lives (so if you're unhappy...do something about it), met some of the most amazing people, and found that the more and more I travel, the more I realize that as people, as human beings, we are all the same at the core.
We need friends. We need family. We need a place to call home. It doesn't matter if you grew up in a big city in the US, a small town in Italy, or an old bazaar in Morocco (I have had the pleasure of meeting friends from each of these places), at the base of it all, we need people to love and a space that is ours. I have found that here in Lugano, with the city, the things I'm doing and learning, the people I'm with.
I think sometimes people take that the wrong way. That it means I've written off where I've come from. The thing is, that's the wrong way to look at it. When I go home to the US, I am home. It will always be my home. I was grown there, most of my history is there. But here....here is where I found myself. Something that I think speaks for itself.
So I look at it like this: How blessed am I to have found two homes?! Two places with people I love, places I love, and most of all two places that have a piece of my heart? It's a beautiful thing to get off an airplane both directions knowing that on each side are people to embrace you, a sight for sore eyes, and a bed the causes you to sigh in ecstasy when you curl up in it for the night. What does that all mean? I'm not exactly sure yet. Does that mean I've found somewhere I want to stay for awhile? Yes. Does that mean I want to replace a home? Not in the least.
What I do know for sure...is that I feel alive, and I want to stay that way. So if this where my heart feels that way--like anything is possible, fully aware of dreams within my grasp-- then I think for now its found home. For now anyway....
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Calm before the storm...
I love spring. It is my favorite season of the whole entire year. Everything comes to life again. The days get longer. The air is warmer. It's like the earth is giving birth to a new start for everyone and everything. I love it. This spring is no exception with all that has been going on in my life. Not being well the last week has kind of put a damper on things. (must be something in the Swiss air) However, I refuse to let that get me down.
I'm pretty familiar with the fact that normally when things seem to be falling into place and finally life is taking shape just like we want it to, we get challenges. The challenges could be health, money, friends, family, etc. Whatever it is, it stresses out, makes us sick, ruins our sleep, give us heartburn (you laugh at me, but wait until you have it and can't eat anything but plain yogurt while that delicious quiche you just made sits on the counter. It's downright cruel!)
But I think, what happens sometimes is that we start to focus on these challenges. We lose sight of the big picture, the one that only days ago was painted so vividly in our minds like fresh oil on canvas. We could even almost touch the reality of it. How does that happen so fast??? I wonder myself sometimes. I'm not exceptionally great at not panicking. I'm getting better, and I learned that these challenges come from those entities that don't want us to succeed. Don't want us to fulfill our dreams. They come in many forms, but (and maybe this is a self pep talk as well) we can't lose sight of what we see through those rose colored glasses we just found.
We've got to make a conscious effort to polish them up, keep them from getting too scratched. I'm going to win and I'm going to win big at this game we call life. I've just got to remember that I'm fighting for it all the time. I think right now I'm just at the end of the calm before the storm. But I refuse to panic. I'm never alone in this. I've always got Him walking right beside me regardless anyway, and I'm a stubborn woman who gets what she wants. :)
So remember to power through the storm, wearing those rose colored glasses. Who cares if they get a little spotty from the water. They clean. The important thing to hold on to is to never lose sight of the world and the life that you see through them.
I'm pretty familiar with the fact that normally when things seem to be falling into place and finally life is taking shape just like we want it to, we get challenges. The challenges could be health, money, friends, family, etc. Whatever it is, it stresses out, makes us sick, ruins our sleep, give us heartburn (you laugh at me, but wait until you have it and can't eat anything but plain yogurt while that delicious quiche you just made sits on the counter. It's downright cruel!)
But I think, what happens sometimes is that we start to focus on these challenges. We lose sight of the big picture, the one that only days ago was painted so vividly in our minds like fresh oil on canvas. We could even almost touch the reality of it. How does that happen so fast??? I wonder myself sometimes. I'm not exceptionally great at not panicking. I'm getting better, and I learned that these challenges come from those entities that don't want us to succeed. Don't want us to fulfill our dreams. They come in many forms, but (and maybe this is a self pep talk as well) we can't lose sight of what we see through those rose colored glasses we just found.
We've got to make a conscious effort to polish them up, keep them from getting too scratched. I'm going to win and I'm going to win big at this game we call life. I've just got to remember that I'm fighting for it all the time. I think right now I'm just at the end of the calm before the storm. But I refuse to panic. I'm never alone in this. I've always got Him walking right beside me regardless anyway, and I'm a stubborn woman who gets what she wants. :)
So remember to power through the storm, wearing those rose colored glasses. Who cares if they get a little spotty from the water. They clean. The important thing to hold on to is to never lose sight of the world and the life that you see through them.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Writing my own story....
I have to say these last two weeks have been some of the best I've had so far here in Switzerland. I wondered for a long time when I was going to feel like I was living my life. I'd think "When is my life life ever going to start?" "When will I feel like I'm at the beginning of it all...of everything I've worked for?" I kept waiting for it to happen. Like it would be some kind of magical entity that painted everything a different color, everything a little more shiny, sparkly. And of course, surely, what I was doing couldn't have that special shine....you know, really living that 'life' whatever that actually was. Could it? But....
Somehow over the course of this last month, I realized that I was in it!! I was in the thick of everything! What was I doing waiting for life to start when I was living it?! I think sometimes we lose sight of what's already in front of us always looking to the 'more' or 'someday' and we forget that sometimes....there isn't anymore. We keep waiting around for some big signpost that says 'GO! This is it!' But...we started the race already the day we took our first breath. Quit waiting to do the things you've always wanted to do! Realize you're alive now! Living now!
And you know...the funny thing is....once I realized I was right in the thick of my own story, everything did become painted a different color. It may sound cliche' to say, but seeing the world through rose colored glasses does make everything more sparkly and a little more bright and shiny, like a new penny.
A lot of people ask me 'when are you coming back?' 'what will you do when your done?' 'where do you want to be?' 'when are you going to settle down and have a normal life?' And the truth is. I don't have the answer to any of these questions. Not one.
I am loving where I am right now. Living every minute that I have. Taking in all the knowledge my poor tired brain can wrap itself around when it's translating 24 hours a day. I am seeing life through rose colored glasses that tarnish nothing. And whoever said there is some social timeline on when we have to do big things in life is an idiot. You don't get to write my story. I do. And I decide what chapter I'm on.
Right now, I'm writing chapters of self-discovery, new adventures, friends, and work that I love. I spent the weekend in an Italian village, ecstatic about the purchase of restoration books, the taste of pumpkin tortelloni in a black truffle sauce on my lips, the Veronese sunset etched in my brain, and a sunday afternoon spent basking in the sunshine, colored pink by the blossoms of peach tree groves, and made only sweeter by the sound of a guitar and the laughter of good friends.
I'm in no hurry to finish these chapters. Not yet. And I'm the author. No one else. I guess the question now is: Are you writing your own story??
Somehow over the course of this last month, I realized that I was in it!! I was in the thick of everything! What was I doing waiting for life to start when I was living it?! I think sometimes we lose sight of what's already in front of us always looking to the 'more' or 'someday' and we forget that sometimes....there isn't anymore. We keep waiting around for some big signpost that says 'GO! This is it!' But...we started the race already the day we took our first breath. Quit waiting to do the things you've always wanted to do! Realize you're alive now! Living now!
And you know...the funny thing is....once I realized I was right in the thick of my own story, everything did become painted a different color. It may sound cliche' to say, but seeing the world through rose colored glasses does make everything more sparkly and a little more bright and shiny, like a new penny.
A lot of people ask me 'when are you coming back?' 'what will you do when your done?' 'where do you want to be?' 'when are you going to settle down and have a normal life?' And the truth is. I don't have the answer to any of these questions. Not one.
I am loving where I am right now. Living every minute that I have. Taking in all the knowledge my poor tired brain can wrap itself around when it's translating 24 hours a day. I am seeing life through rose colored glasses that tarnish nothing. And whoever said there is some social timeline on when we have to do big things in life is an idiot. You don't get to write my story. I do. And I decide what chapter I'm on.
Right now, I'm writing chapters of self-discovery, new adventures, friends, and work that I love. I spent the weekend in an Italian village, ecstatic about the purchase of restoration books, the taste of pumpkin tortelloni in a black truffle sauce on my lips, the Veronese sunset etched in my brain, and a sunday afternoon spent basking in the sunshine, colored pink by the blossoms of peach tree groves, and made only sweeter by the sound of a guitar and the laughter of good friends.
I'm in no hurry to finish these chapters. Not yet. And I'm the author. No one else. I guess the question now is: Are you writing your own story??
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Sometimes you have to trust you...
I'm in on a Saturday night (yes, yes...how lame, but I'm okay with that). I'm okay that I don't mind staying in by myself with a glass of wine and a movie on a Saturday night. There are times you just need that 'me' alone time. I'm not one who generally needs a lot of it because I love being around people. But, when I have it, I usually end up doing a lot of self-review and reflection. Yes-this can be good, this can be bad. Either way, I think it's a healthy thing.
For a long long time, I struggled with my decision to come over here. Was it the right one? Did I make people mad? What was I doing here? What would I do when I was done? Was I even good enough to be here?--All questions that ran through my head on a regular basis. In a lot of way these questions held me back from doing as well as I could have done my first semester. They all centered around one thing---self doubt.
But I've learned in the last couple months as I've taken exams, started a new semester, grow a little bit more, that really it is worrying what other people will think that will hold you back. That wasn't a new philosophy I had learned, but it is its full effect and definition that I have just learned that has opened my eyes. Yes, the people (friends, strangers, what have you) will laugh at you or make fun and it shouldn't matter if they do. If you choose to let them, they will hold you back in things you do in life. Yet, it also applies to loved ones around you. Sometimes, they may not think you are making the best decision for your life, and they are probably doing it out of love for you. But, I've learned that guilt for deciding to do something you know is right in your heart isn't something they would want you to feel. Guilt doesn't come from those you love or any holy place. It is manifested in the dark areas of self doubt created by those who would rather you didn't succeed. It took me a loooong time to figure that out, and kept me from shining where I should have.
I've let go of that self-doubt and the guilt because I know in my heart I'm where I need to be doing what I am supposed to be doing. It isn't exactly as I saw it in the beginning, but then whatever is? All I know is that I feel so alive and ready to do everything I was put on this earth to do. Life is such a gift. So many times we forget to enjoy it.
Please don't second guess yourself. Trust you. Trust your heart. It will take you places you never even thought possible. Make a decision that belongs to you....and just you. Because at the end of it all, you're the one who has to live YOUR life.
For a long long time, I struggled with my decision to come over here. Was it the right one? Did I make people mad? What was I doing here? What would I do when I was done? Was I even good enough to be here?--All questions that ran through my head on a regular basis. In a lot of way these questions held me back from doing as well as I could have done my first semester. They all centered around one thing---self doubt.
But I've learned in the last couple months as I've taken exams, started a new semester, grow a little bit more, that really it is worrying what other people will think that will hold you back. That wasn't a new philosophy I had learned, but it is its full effect and definition that I have just learned that has opened my eyes. Yes, the people (friends, strangers, what have you) will laugh at you or make fun and it shouldn't matter if they do. If you choose to let them, they will hold you back in things you do in life. Yet, it also applies to loved ones around you. Sometimes, they may not think you are making the best decision for your life, and they are probably doing it out of love for you. But, I've learned that guilt for deciding to do something you know is right in your heart isn't something they would want you to feel. Guilt doesn't come from those you love or any holy place. It is manifested in the dark areas of self doubt created by those who would rather you didn't succeed. It took me a loooong time to figure that out, and kept me from shining where I should have.
I've let go of that self-doubt and the guilt because I know in my heart I'm where I need to be doing what I am supposed to be doing. It isn't exactly as I saw it in the beginning, but then whatever is? All I know is that I feel so alive and ready to do everything I was put on this earth to do. Life is such a gift. So many times we forget to enjoy it.
Please don't second guess yourself. Trust you. Trust your heart. It will take you places you never even thought possible. Make a decision that belongs to you....and just you. Because at the end of it all, you're the one who has to live YOUR life.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Mental Snapshots...
Some of you who read this will already know what I'm talking about when I say take 'mental snapshots.' A few years back (well closer to a handful now) I was given some great advice from a teacher/friend on my first international excursion. He said to our group, "you will never be in this moment, with these people ever again." But it wasn't to say cherish just 'this' moment exactly. He was referring instead to EVERY moment, every second that we spend of our lives. Because that is what we do is spend time. We can't save it, slow it down, or go back. And every second is one in which we will never be in again with the exact same people. It is impossible. Once the second is spent...it is gone. So...
Take mental snapshots. Cherish the moments, the seconds. Record them vividly in your memory. The glow of lights on a Christmas Eve drive. Or, the smell of the pizza in the oven while you're discussing the latest gossip about Twilight with your sister. The face of the people you love the moment you come out of the arrival gate at the airport (this one will forever and always be a favorite every time.) Watching your best friend turn down the dial on the radio to talk, then watch her turn it up, and turn it back down again throughout the conversation, knowing this is one of the things you love about her. It's grandiose things. It's small things. But they are the things that make life worth living, and I think sometimes no matter where we are in the world, the mundaneness of routine can cause us to hurry through things and waste our mental snapshots...waste our seconds, waste our lives.
I'm guilty of it myself here in Switzerland. I get up in the morning at the same time, prepare the same things, and take the same bus. The repetition of it all....it can make things boring. I loathe boredom. As do most of us. But thankfully, I was shocked back to life this last week one morning at school. I was standing in the church where we're working with my little hammer in my hand, looking at the 15th century frescoe we're cleaning, and I was like: 'holy crap! I'm taking a hammer to something that is 600 years old! Who does that? Wait...I do!!'
It was a mental snapshot moment-standing on the scaffolding, with 5 layers of clothing on to combat the cold-hammer and scalpel in hand. I told myself that I wasn't going to get caught up in the evilness that is 'routine.' Not any more. Even if that means I get up at a different time every morning. Life is too wonderful for that. No matter where we are, it's full of beautiful moments we shouldn't let slip by unrecorded, unappreciated.
I recorded so many this last week- watching soccer on a computer with my two Italians friends, complete with cursing and hand gestures as the live stream would freeze each time the teams approached the goal, buying a second hand coat from a Swiss-Italian woman in a little antique store who exclaimed with delight how nice it was to have young people in her store instead of the normal grandmother crowd, laughing with my classmates on the train as we created our 'Vitamin Shock' (long story) music video-Swiss Alps flying past the window, the mass surge of people in costume young and old departing the train when we arrive in Bellinzona for Carnevale complete with an italian drinking chant, or even being consumed with fascination as I learned something more about the chemistry of wall paintings and the reconversion of darkened lead white (yes I know this is dorky, but being reminded of why I love this so much was such an incredible feeling!!).
I have so many more, but I think you get the picture. Life is a blessing. What we do with it, how we remember it, is up to us. So don't let the routines get you- stop for a moment and take a mental snapshot of your life in that very second because once you're there, the moment is gone.
Take mental snapshots. Cherish the moments, the seconds. Record them vividly in your memory. The glow of lights on a Christmas Eve drive. Or, the smell of the pizza in the oven while you're discussing the latest gossip about Twilight with your sister. The face of the people you love the moment you come out of the arrival gate at the airport (this one will forever and always be a favorite every time.) Watching your best friend turn down the dial on the radio to talk, then watch her turn it up, and turn it back down again throughout the conversation, knowing this is one of the things you love about her. It's grandiose things. It's small things. But they are the things that make life worth living, and I think sometimes no matter where we are in the world, the mundaneness of routine can cause us to hurry through things and waste our mental snapshots...waste our seconds, waste our lives.
I'm guilty of it myself here in Switzerland. I get up in the morning at the same time, prepare the same things, and take the same bus. The repetition of it all....it can make things boring. I loathe boredom. As do most of us. But thankfully, I was shocked back to life this last week one morning at school. I was standing in the church where we're working with my little hammer in my hand, looking at the 15th century frescoe we're cleaning, and I was like: 'holy crap! I'm taking a hammer to something that is 600 years old! Who does that? Wait...I do!!'
It was a mental snapshot moment-standing on the scaffolding, with 5 layers of clothing on to combat the cold-hammer and scalpel in hand. I told myself that I wasn't going to get caught up in the evilness that is 'routine.' Not any more. Even if that means I get up at a different time every morning. Life is too wonderful for that. No matter where we are, it's full of beautiful moments we shouldn't let slip by unrecorded, unappreciated.
I recorded so many this last week- watching soccer on a computer with my two Italians friends, complete with cursing and hand gestures as the live stream would freeze each time the teams approached the goal, buying a second hand coat from a Swiss-Italian woman in a little antique store who exclaimed with delight how nice it was to have young people in her store instead of the normal grandmother crowd, laughing with my classmates on the train as we created our 'Vitamin Shock' (long story) music video-Swiss Alps flying past the window, the mass surge of people in costume young and old departing the train when we arrive in Bellinzona for Carnevale complete with an italian drinking chant, or even being consumed with fascination as I learned something more about the chemistry of wall paintings and the reconversion of darkened lead white (yes I know this is dorky, but being reminded of why I love this so much was such an incredible feeling!!).
I have so many more, but I think you get the picture. Life is a blessing. What we do with it, how we remember it, is up to us. So don't let the routines get you- stop for a moment and take a mental snapshot of your life in that very second because once you're there, the moment is gone.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Semester 2...
Alright, I have started my second semester of grad school rather painlessly. Actually, it's been pretty awesome because this entire first week my classes have been in English!!! AH! Brilliant! Why you ask? Well, it's because we have 3 students visiting from Georgia (not the state, the country) and they don't speak Italian. So, default international language: English! Win! hahah.
It's already been extremely interesting. We're working on a 15th century fresco in Locarno a town about an hour from Lugano. We're removing "white wash" layers that were painted over the fresco, so that involves in some cases taking a hammer to the fresco! Yes..I panicked at first too. I don't know...I've just got a good feeling about this semester. I know I'm going to do better and learn more, and I suppose that is what's important. I can't believe it's almost March though! How crazy is that?? This year is going to be over before I know it, and so is this program.
I really don't understand how time goes so fast. The weeks of vacation were done and over in a blink. My visit to Ireland in total was 8 days long. I feel like I was there for 3. It was so much fun though. Not a big sight-seeing trip this time around, but a legitimate vacation. We went to a famous pub in Dublin where they filmed P.S. I love you to see an amazing musician named Robert Delaney. And I also went to a winter ale beer festival at this really cool pub in Cork called the Franciscan Well. So I guess you could say a lot of my sightseeing involved the inside of a pub. Don't judge, it's part of the Irish culture...I mean where else can you get the atmosphere of a large group of people, watching a national rugby match?? You can't. It is solely reserved for the Irish pub, and I did that this time around too. I actually really like rugby! I plan on watching more too.
As for other things going on, not much else but school and my YouTube channel. I'm still plugging away at it with 4 videos now. I'm hoping in the very near future I can get some original stuff going too (Ah!). I really really love it, and the response has been so positive! I'm blown away really! Maybe you may think I'm crazy, but I don't care. I think this is going to go somewhere...to a place that I've dreamt of since I was a little girl. It may be silly to think it, but then don't dreams always start as silly ideas? I've kind of always pictured my name in lights. Who knows, maybe this time around we can make it happen. :) Either way if you read this, watch, share and subscribe! www.youtube.com/sarahbraun03
Until next time, love to you from Switzerland <3
It's already been extremely interesting. We're working on a 15th century fresco in Locarno a town about an hour from Lugano. We're removing "white wash" layers that were painted over the fresco, so that involves in some cases taking a hammer to the fresco! Yes..I panicked at first too. I don't know...I've just got a good feeling about this semester. I know I'm going to do better and learn more, and I suppose that is what's important. I can't believe it's almost March though! How crazy is that?? This year is going to be over before I know it, and so is this program.
I really don't understand how time goes so fast. The weeks of vacation were done and over in a blink. My visit to Ireland in total was 8 days long. I feel like I was there for 3. It was so much fun though. Not a big sight-seeing trip this time around, but a legitimate vacation. We went to a famous pub in Dublin where they filmed P.S. I love you to see an amazing musician named Robert Delaney. And I also went to a winter ale beer festival at this really cool pub in Cork called the Franciscan Well. So I guess you could say a lot of my sightseeing involved the inside of a pub. Don't judge, it's part of the Irish culture...I mean where else can you get the atmosphere of a large group of people, watching a national rugby match?? You can't. It is solely reserved for the Irish pub, and I did that this time around too. I actually really like rugby! I plan on watching more too.
As for other things going on, not much else but school and my YouTube channel. I'm still plugging away at it with 4 videos now. I'm hoping in the very near future I can get some original stuff going too (Ah!). I really really love it, and the response has been so positive! I'm blown away really! Maybe you may think I'm crazy, but I don't care. I think this is going to go somewhere...to a place that I've dreamt of since I was a little girl. It may be silly to think it, but then don't dreams always start as silly ideas? I've kind of always pictured my name in lights. Who knows, maybe this time around we can make it happen. :) Either way if you read this, watch, share and subscribe! www.youtube.com/sarahbraun03
Until next time, love to you from Switzerland <3
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
What a crazy 2 weeks....
So, I realize that even more days have passed since my last post, but the last couple of weeks have been full of get togethers, last dinners, and goodbyes. Not to mention I was finally able to sleep after exams were finished. I was not crazy about the goodbye part. BUT, I did find out that for the most part I did well enough on my exams. So that's good news.
I'm on vacation now for the next two weeks. I found dirt cheap plane tickets to come visit Katie and my friend Louise in Ireland. I have no doubt there will be interesting stories to follow from this experience....hahahah.
As for the goodbyes, most of my friends left for their home countries over the last week. They were Erasmus students (European equivalent of study abroad), so they were only in Lugano for a semester. :( Boo. Anyway, this last week was nothing but the 'lasts' of everything. And yes...there were tears on multiple occasions. We'd become a family at Lanchetta, and it was really hard to see them go. I still like to think that we're all on vacation and when I get back they will be there....
I wish I could really convey to you all how amazing these people truly are. I love them with all of my heart, and I know that we'll be friends always. Sometimes I wonder how that can happen in such a short amount of time, but really and truly I will never be the same because of them. And it's a change for the better. So many great memories....
And one of these memories just happens to be getting me on YouTube with my own channel. It's crazy and amazing all at the same time, and after just 3 days I have over 1,000 views and 26 subscribers!!!! (apparently that #84 for the week for all musician channels) Unbelieveable. I guess I should have done this a long time ago. Thank God they were persistent over here at Lanchetta. :) Anyway here's the link to the first video if you're interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOnvm4LnNzo I plan on having a new one up tomorrow. I've got a good feeling about this... :)
I'm on vacation now for the next two weeks. I found dirt cheap plane tickets to come visit Katie and my friend Louise in Ireland. I have no doubt there will be interesting stories to follow from this experience....hahahah.
As for the goodbyes, most of my friends left for their home countries over the last week. They were Erasmus students (European equivalent of study abroad), so they were only in Lugano for a semester. :( Boo. Anyway, this last week was nothing but the 'lasts' of everything. And yes...there were tears on multiple occasions. We'd become a family at Lanchetta, and it was really hard to see them go. I still like to think that we're all on vacation and when I get back they will be there....
I wish I could really convey to you all how amazing these people truly are. I love them with all of my heart, and I know that we'll be friends always. Sometimes I wonder how that can happen in such a short amount of time, but really and truly I will never be the same because of them. And it's a change for the better. So many great memories....
And one of these memories just happens to be getting me on YouTube with my own channel. It's crazy and amazing all at the same time, and after just 3 days I have over 1,000 views and 26 subscribers!!!! (apparently that #84 for the week for all musician channels) Unbelieveable. I guess I should have done this a long time ago. Thank God they were persistent over here at Lanchetta. :) Anyway here's the link to the first video if you're interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOnvm4LnNzo I plan on having a new one up tomorrow. I've got a good feeling about this... :)
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Halfway There....
So it's been a little while since I've written....exams have literally turned my brain to mush. haha. But on the plus side I am halfway done! I only have 4 more to take, two of which are Monday. I would have to say that so far I think they've gone pretty well. I feel great about most of them and so-so about a couple.
It's been interesting to say the least. My first exam was written and I had to write that one in Italian. I had an oral exam right after that which I did in English. My other written exams have been in English (thank God), and the last exam I took on Friday was an oral one. This one I started in Italian...and ended in English. Geez it was interesting trying to understand exactly what they were trying to ask me. A very frustrating 20 minutes, in which I wasn't sure if he wanted me to answer what the Relative Humidity was or if he was just making a statement. Seriously....I don't think I like oral exams. I panic and can't remember the things that I've studied. It's awful. I'm glad I don't have any more of those!
But...that's about it. Nothing interesting or exciting to report because all I've been doing is studying. I don't know that I've ever studied for anything so much....ever. I suppose that's a good thing. Cross your fingers for the rest. Then come Wednesday afternoon, I am having a drink (or two). Probably won't write again until then. I've got Biology, Chemistry, Microscope Analysis, and an oral/discussion with my teachers to get through. Molto pesante...(very heavy). :/
Alright, I'm out.
It's been interesting to say the least. My first exam was written and I had to write that one in Italian. I had an oral exam right after that which I did in English. My other written exams have been in English (thank God), and the last exam I took on Friday was an oral one. This one I started in Italian...and ended in English. Geez it was interesting trying to understand exactly what they were trying to ask me. A very frustrating 20 minutes, in which I wasn't sure if he wanted me to answer what the Relative Humidity was or if he was just making a statement. Seriously....I don't think I like oral exams. I panic and can't remember the things that I've studied. It's awful. I'm glad I don't have any more of those!
But...that's about it. Nothing interesting or exciting to report because all I've been doing is studying. I don't know that I've ever studied for anything so much....ever. I suppose that's a good thing. Cross your fingers for the rest. Then come Wednesday afternoon, I am having a drink (or two). Probably won't write again until then. I've got Biology, Chemistry, Microscope Analysis, and an oral/discussion with my teachers to get through. Molto pesante...(very heavy). :/
Alright, I'm out.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
The Things They Find Funny...
Before I begin, an update for the score...it's not looking good folks:
Jet Lag: 3 Sarah: 1 and we're at half time. I've got to go for gold in the 2nd half, or we're coming home empty handed.
Annnnnddd....since that isn't going so well, I thought I'd focus on something a bit more entertaining. The other night I was going through my photo album from this last trip home with my friends. I think it was the day I got back over here, so imagine, we'll set the scene: a sober, yet seemingly intoxicated girl (due to fatigue and the fact that she had been awake for 26 hours), trying to describe a number of things from the world that is America and justify it to a small group of Europeans (2 Portuguese, 1 Spanish, 1 Italian, and 1 German). The result: a whole lot of laughter, some very confused faces due to my inability to speak clearly and lack of readjustment to not using slang, and a lot of "Grande!!" expressions. Which just so you know does not necessarily mean "Big!' As you would think. It's more like saying "Awesome!" or "Cool!" Something along those lines anyway.
So what is it they found so entertaining about our way of life?
1) I think what got the largest reaction (and I'm not kidding) is the compartmentalized styrofoam plates we commonly see at holiday get-togethers. hahahah. Crazy right? I would have never thought about it, but they couldn't believe those or the amount of food.
2) Next in line: The house in suburban Chicago we found that is decorated like Chevy Chase's house (hence the name for the album). I believe I got a "Mi Dio!" on that one from Giulio and a "how do the neighbors sleep?!" from Andre.
3) The other biggest shock....our 9ft fake Christmas tree by the fire place. Lena: "It's like a movie!" And everyone else: "It's HUGE!" Then, I told them that was just one of our trees. They then proceeded to tell me that, everything is big in America, which I suppose is probably true. :)
4) However, my favorite was the little treat I brought back for Giulio: Red solo cups. It's no joke. You can't find them over here. And well, let's just say he wanted them for party planning purposes. ;)
5) I do have to mention one more thing, because the aunts and my mom will be pleased. We have been enjoying the Christmas candy immensely and I've loved trying to explain what everything is (turtles, bark cookies, icebox cookies, texas bon bons, etc.) The reactions both good and bad have been priceless. ps...Mom...they love the turtles. I'll have to try and make them or something.
Just a few tidbits on life here and what we find interesting topics of conversation. If my friends read this, they'd probably tell you stories of things I've found interesting about here...and of course make fun of me. It's easy to do. :)
Alright, I'm out for the evening, I need to sleep soon. Must. conquer. biology. and. pre-consolidation. tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Studying...Studying...Studying....Lanchetta!
Day 1 of finally getting to study for these nasty exams was a quasi-success. I say 'quasi' because I did succeed in translating around 14 pages of one of my presentations and making bi-lingual notes. Awesome?? It may appear so...however, this took me about 5 hours! This process only involved a few things: one very large dictionary, a pocket translator (thank you sister Tiff! :) ), google translate from time to time (can't always trust what that will give you), and a 501 verb book (which still manages to leave out certain scientific verbs. sweet. :( ). Why do I tell you all of this??
Because that presentation was 1 of about 6 for that class. And that class is one exam out of the 9 I have to take which all have that amount if not more presentations. Needless to say, I have it all under control and I am nowhere close to PANICKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M TOTALLY COOL. NOT WORRIED AT ALL....sorry am I yelling? I lost myself for a minute there. Phew...anyway....
I'm sure I'll get it sorted better tomorrow, and I'm really just venting about the frustration of the 4 extra exams that are AFTER my week of Master's exams (stupid stupid stupid). I'll be fine. I'm gonna take those exams to the cleaners! (Can I use that analogy here??) Even with the positive attitude though, 5 hours of that would cause anyone to go a little crazy.
Thank God for Lanchetta. My other home. Nothing party planning, xmas candy (from the Rosenthal fam of course!), and some Portuguese port wine can't fix. :) I am once again renewed with optimism. I can take on the world! Too cheesy? Yeah I thought so too. Anyway, I'm really just glad that I was able to sleep at 1am last night and become a daywalker again. I got up at 8:30 am. BAM! Take that jet lag!
Jet Lag: 2 Sarah: 1
Crap he's still winning...You wait til tomorrow jet lag!!! I will dominate!!! (you can't see but i'm shaking my fist)
With that all, I am off to bed. Love, love, love!
Because that presentation was 1 of about 6 for that class. And that class is one exam out of the 9 I have to take which all have that amount if not more presentations. Needless to say, I have it all under control and I am nowhere close to PANICKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M TOTALLY COOL. NOT WORRIED AT ALL....sorry am I yelling? I lost myself for a minute there. Phew...anyway....
I'm sure I'll get it sorted better tomorrow, and I'm really just venting about the frustration of the 4 extra exams that are AFTER my week of Master's exams (stupid stupid stupid). I'll be fine. I'm gonna take those exams to the cleaners! (Can I use that analogy here??) Even with the positive attitude though, 5 hours of that would cause anyone to go a little crazy.
Thank God for Lanchetta. My other home. Nothing party planning, xmas candy (from the Rosenthal fam of course!), and some Portuguese port wine can't fix. :) I am once again renewed with optimism. I can take on the world! Too cheesy? Yeah I thought so too. Anyway, I'm really just glad that I was able to sleep at 1am last night and become a daywalker again. I got up at 8:30 am. BAM! Take that jet lag!
Jet Lag: 2 Sarah: 1
Crap he's still winning...You wait til tomorrow jet lag!!! I will dominate!!! (you can't see but i'm shaking my fist)
With that all, I am off to bed. Love, love, love!
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